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August 09, 2010

Michelle Obama's Camp: I Was Forced To Endure Soul-Wrenching Luxury and Heart-Breaking Excess Because I Had To Honor My Friend's Dead Father

Trooper.

So why did Mrs. Obama go to Spain at this time? She's not tone-deaf politically. What was behind the "mother-daughter" vacation?

A White House source told me that Blanchard's father passed away and Mrs. Obama was not able to make the funeral at the beginning of July. Blanchard had promised her daughter she would take her to Spain for her birthday. She asked Mrs. Obama and Sasha to come with. (Malia is at overnight camp.)

"She felt it was important as a dear friend to do this," I was told.

Pretty nice meal for a wake:

The AP, quoting a menu released by the palace, said lunch "was Andalusian-style chilled gazpacho soup, char-grilled turbot, veal escalopes with mustard, Oriental rice with sauteed mushrooms, a Mallorca-style vegetable ratatouille and sliced fruit with ice cream, accompanied by wines from the northern regions of Rueda and Rioja."


Top Ten Activities To Honor Friend's Departed Father At Michelle Obama's Five-Star Funeral Jam

10. Barbecued shrimp slightly al dente out of respect for the dead

9. When snorkeling, bereavers hold their heads upside-down so brilliantly-colored coral fish appear to be wearing sad face frowns instead of happy face smiles

8. Commemorative Jet-Skiing

7. Morning's mani-pedi group outing begun by reading of appropriate Psalm, and then reading of a random cartoon from Marmaduke: The Classics, because you can't start your day off too heavy on the Spanish Riviera

6. Extreme zip-line excursion reminds everyone that life is fleeting

5. Resort's specialty drink? The "Mortal Coil Monsoon"

4. Waiters and bartenders only tipped 7% to remind them that there are things more important than money

3. Bereavement Para-sailing

2. Booze Cruise's Martini-and-crossed-swords flag lowered to half mast

And the number one activity to honor the dead at Michelle Obama's five-star funeral jam...

1. Moment of silence strictly observed after each Bama Slamma shot

Bonus! Number 0.

0. Every day after the spa, Michelle flexes her biceps and announces she's giving Father Blanchard a "two-gun salute"

Thanks to Phinn for suggesting something along those lines.

Couldn't? Warden, quoting some source regarding the assertion Mdm. Obama "couldn't" attend the funeral:

The summer started with a Memorial Day weekend trip to Chicago; the family went to the Camp David presidential retreat before July 4; they weekended in Maine, sightseeing in Acadia National Park, departing on July 16 and returning Sunday afternoon July 18.

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posted by Ace at 12:20 PM

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