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July 13, 2010

Althouse: If You Really Believe In Global Warming, How Come Yo Ass Is So Fat?

And that's just Point One.

She goes on to suggest that everyone live their lives as if they're nineteenth century hardscrabble farmers.

It's a good list, as it gets to the heart of the matter: What the global warming sin-eaters urge, essentially, is for everyone to live a much poorer existence than they can afford, demanding that everyone live their lives as if they are just above poverty level.

And by "everyone" they mean "everyone else," because if they can get other people to voluntarily live lives of want, then they've created a parcel of "carbon credits" they can then use to justify their own middle-class-comfortable-to-world-class-luxurious lifestyles.

If I ever get rich, I'm using this blog as my carbon offset, as I urge this crap on you -- you will just have to make do with less -- while I jet off to Tahiti to pay high-price call-girls to make me pulled pork because I'm too frickin' obese to have sex.

In other words, I will do exactly as Al Gore and Laurie David do.

Other Suggestions:

7. Stop Watching Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann. You know what she's going to say and you already agree with everything she could possibly say. This is a complete waste of electricity, and electricity kills the earth. So stop.

8. Stop Visiting Leftwing Sites and/or Trolling Rightwing Blogs. Again, pure self-indulgent carbon production for no other purpose except trivial, sinful pleasure. As Althouse suggests -- re-do old jigsaw puzzles to entertain yourselves.

9. Pay 30% Above Your Correct Level of Taxation. The earth isn't going to heal itself -- that's where you come in. Plus, you'll be saving money on food, transportation, cable, electricity, and housing (you can afford to downgrade) so you'll be rolling in the dirty filthy money. Tithe heavily to your church so that we can subsidize research into a car that runs on love.

10. Buy and Eat Only Highly Processed Food. Why? Because it's cheaper and has a very long shelf life. Fresh meat and produce cost a lot of money because they need to be swiftly transported and sold and if they are not, they are wasted, utterly, thus contributing excess carbon to the world. It is far more earth-friendly to buy only foods saturated in artificial preservatives and of a low general quality. These foods are cheap for a reason.

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posted by Ace at 02:11 PM

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