Thursday Financial Briefing

Er, about that big stock rally on Tuesday...

As nicknames go, the Blog Prophet of Euro Zone Doom has one of the better ones. I've been called many things but I've never been called a prophet. I also find it neat that a self-taught fellow of 61 can make a name for himself purely on the strength of his insight.

Colleges have gone from being instutions of higher learning to being clip joints run by confidence men. (Via Insty.) I hereby pledge that I will never accept a dime from the needy young ladies who come to me for instruction and life-lessons at Monty's Home for Wayward Pole-Dancers. I'm a giver, not a taker.

The great fiscal Götterdämmerung caused by the retirement of the Baby Boomers is well underway. Pretty soon each worker will have his very own elderly person to support. For most wage-earners under the age of 55 or so, "retirement" is going to seem like a rather quaint and old-fashioned concept, like detachable collars, fiscal probity, and sexual modesty.

China will not save us. I've been saying for a long, long time that China's economy is a big fat lie. People keep forgetting that China is still ruled by Communists. It will all end in tears.

Are the feds going to try to nationalize private pensions? To a certain extent that's already happened given the role of the PBGC, but on the other hand the PBGC is bankrupt.

The World Bank noted that the Euro crisis will restrict growth across the continent. British Consulting Detective and social gadfly Mr. Sherlock Holmes, when reached for comment, remarked that he'd considered the whole idea a complete cock-up right from the start. "They should have hired me in the Case of the Missing Financial Rationale for the Euro," he said. When this reporter pointed out that England itself was in dire financial straits, Mr. Holmes mumbled something about being late to a hanging and hurried off.

Stateside, Ben Bernanke assured everyone that the European financial crisis would only have a modest impact on the US hours before the Dow Jones Industrial Average dived on concerns over the European financial crisis.

In the same session, when asked about the recent resurgence of gold, Bernanke responded: "Gold? What is this 'gold' you speak of? It sounds like some made-up word. Gold. It sounds like something an alien would call his dong. Do not mock my Gold, puny Hu-Man! In fact, I think I remember Ron Paul saying that to me one time. I wonder now if he was coming on to me or something. It's kind of freaking me out now that I think about it."

I take my recessions like I take my vanilla cones from Baskin-Robbins: double-dip!

In other news, California is still boned.

Brought to you by Emperor Zod. Kneel before Zod!

posted by Monty at 07:05 AM

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