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February 03, 2010

Andrew Sullivan, Fucking Retard

Oh, I try to ignore him. Basically, by never reading him, which takes approximately as much concentrated effort on my part as is needed for me to withstand the potent temptation to staple corn-nuts to my hog.

But then a reader like JoeP. comes along and offers up this piece, and I have to comment.

Did she really just call for Rahm Emanuel to be fired because he allegedly used the term "fucking retarded" to refer to fellow Democrats in a private meeting? Last summer? Did she really?

I don't like the term myself. I think it is offensive. I think Rahm Emanuel is offensive. But at least he's real. And he has now apologized. And at least he used the term metaphorically.

Right. And if Dick Cheney used the term "fucking queerbaits" metaphorically, Andrew Sullivan, Professional Homosexual, would similarly take it in unhurried stride.

I use the word "retard" all the time, of course. But I acknowledge it is deeply, deeply impolite and hurtful to those who are mentally challenged and especially the parents of the mentally challenged. It obviously doesn't stop me from using the term; I do agree, as Krikorian said on The Corner, that Emanuel's use of it is "metaphoric" and, while vulgar, not a firing offense.

But Sullivan himself shrieks like little girl who just watched her pony get raped by the road crew for GWAR whenever the most trivial gay putdown is employed; it's all I can take to keep from busting a gut to hear him lecture me on how we should all just blow off painful invective as if it's no big deal.

I'd take his claims more seriously if he didn't claim everyone who ever said "that's gay" was a "seething homophobe," or whatever his mix-and-match Adjective-Noun combination putdown of the day might be.

Palin, in contrast, called her own campaign prop "her retarded baby" in private, according to an eye-witness account from the father of her own grandson who lived in her house for months and knew her intimately.

That's a very roundabout way of saying "professional mediawhore and gay softcore-porn icon Levi Johnson."

"I was just in shock the first time I heard it," Levi Johnston told CBS.

Right, the guy who announced he was a "fucking redneck" on his MySpace page was shocked, shocked to hear some crude put-downs.

And by the way, he didn't hear them; he's making this up. But the notion that this self-professed "fucking redneck" (and I presume he means that to mean he's boorish and thuggish, rather than in the sweeter way a gentleman like Jeff Foxworthy uses it) was "in shock" over hearing the dreaded r-word is, well, something that only steroid-demented retard Andrew Sullivan could possibly believe.

But oh -- we are just getting started here, folks.

Unlike Sarah Palin, Johnston has not been caught in multiple indisputable lies. I believe him over her. In fact, in any factual dispute, I believe anyone over her.

That's kind of your problem, you drug-addled fruitcake. ("Fruitcake" used metaphorically -- I don't mean he's literally a Christmas treat or anything. I have just apologized to Liz Cheney, head of the Fruitcake Confectioners of America, and she accepted it, so my usage of the word is blessed by a non-partisan authority.)

While I'm at it, does anyone actually believe that Palin's name for the child of miraculous provenance was found by her deep knowledge of ancient Norse as she claims in her magical-realism novel, "Going Rogue"? I mean, seriously. She knows about as much ancient Norse as she does English grammar.

This is where I have to go the low road yet again and quote, I think, Treacher, who once sniped, "Someone needs to explain to Andrew Sullivan that his favorite beverage is sometimes used to make babies."

I say this knowing it's nasty and hompohobic. But it's true: Andrew Sullivan, who has no true working conception of the idea that sex might sometimes have a procreative intent, once again shows how risibly out-of-touch he is with, well, anything not having to do with P-town or the Pet Shop Boys.

See, Andrew, one doesn't need a deep understanding of Norse mythology to have come across the Norse name "Trig." There are, you see, a huge number of books about baby-names, and huge lists of such things available on the Internet, and, see, while you apparently have never before met a pregnant woman (ick!), I can assure you such women ("breeders," to use terminology that might be familiar to you) are usually very interested indeed in interesting possibilities for naming their baby, and this interest actually increases throughout their nine-month term.

Did my parents know a great deal about the Gaelic origins of my name before they gave it to me? No, but I can tell you as soon as I was old enough to ask my mother could tell me what it was supposed to mean.

Gaelic scholar, she? No. She had a baby-naming book, dude.

This is simply embarrassing. I actually do wish to avoid the worst sorts of stereotypes about gays -- stereotypes as untrue, in the main, as they are mean -- but Andrew Sullivan continues proudly championing them.

He continues to write authoritatively about all aspects of the human reproductive cycle while exhibiting about the same level of working knowledge of the subject as all those space-aliens on Star Trek to whom Kirk constantly had to explain the phenomenon of human romantic love.

At least the space-aliens finally got it after a long and smoldering Kirk-Kiss.

I have no fucking idea what it will take to dislodge the tumor of expert ignorance from Sullivan's pot-pocked brain.

I continue to be baffled at how one of the gayest men on the planet -- ranking like a 7.3 on the Kinsley scale of 6 -- propounds weekly on arcane-only-to-him topics of childbirth, motherhood, and the Mysteries of Forbidden Vagina.

Now, that out of the way, here comes the obligatory insinuations of Trig Trutherism:

It's as credible as the idea that she gave a speech while having contractions, several hours after going into labor, as she claims in her novel. It's as credible as her amazing journey in labor with a special needs child on a plane where the flight attendants, according to the Anchorage Daily News, did not even notice she was pregnant. It's as credible as any number of indisputable self-serving, unbalanced lies that she has told in the public record for years.

Remember, he has been forbidden to state explicitly that Sarah Palin is not Trig's mother, but he sure as shit can hint around about it.

And now we come to the culmination of his Internet Detective stupidity:

The medical term for Down Syndrome is Trisomy-21 or Trisomy-g. It is often shortened in medical slang to Tri-g.

He does not provide a citation for that last claim. The cite he includes -- just to the medical term for Downs Syndrome -- contains no reference at all to "Tri-g." (Search it yourself.)

Despite the fact that Dr. Andrew Sullivan asserts, upon his own great authority, that the Downs Syndrome is "often" shortened to "tri-g" -- often, remember -- a google search fails to come up with a single mention of "Tri-G" on the first fifteen pages. (I gave up after that.) It's all Trig (as in Palin) and trig (as in geometry) and trig (as in some computer thingee).

I do come up rather easily with this baby-name page on the meaning of Trig,M which notes the name was popularized by Governor Palin, but not that it was invented by her.

Oddly enough, the "Tri-G" derivation of the name is nowhere to be found on this page. (Remember -- Downs Syndrome is often shortened to Tri-G.)

You know what they say it is?

That it's fucking Norse. They even mention a couple of somewhat-notable people who sport the name, and do not, as far as I know, have an extra chromosome.

Is it not perfectly possible that the very name given to this poor child, being reared by Bristol, is another form of mockery of his condition, along with the "retarded baby" tag?

No. If she hated the baby that much she could have chosen your preferred option of abortion.

And does the way in which this poor child was hauled around the country on a book tour, being dragged out in front of flash photographs in the middle of the night, barely clothed, suggest someone who actually cares for children with special needs, or rather sees them as a way to keep the spotlight on her?

It says she's a working mother.

Again, Andrew Sullivan demonstrates his extreme ignorance about all things reproductive. It utterly fails to crack his Blue Event Horizon of Stupid that mothers must care for young children at all hours a day. Especially if they're breastfeeding, which I am guessing Governor Palin is.

This doesn't even occur to him.

What does Dr. Andrew Sullivan, noted child psychologist recently called "just like Dr. Benjamin Spock, except fat and with a beard and rawmuscleglutes," think mothers do with their 2-year-old children when they need to venture out of the home? Drop them off at Kinko's? Stick them into hypersleep capsules a la Alien?

What? What happens to this kid when Palin is working, in Sullivan's mind? Does he imagine the kid has a hibernate switch like his computer?

C'mon, Levi. Write that book. Expose this fraud.

Doesn't quite have the same ring to it as "Help us Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're our only hope," does it?

Pinning his hopes on a pin-up.

How pathetic.

Sullvan? Seriously, you need to stop opining on a topic you obviously are laughably ignorant of and stick to your strengths.

Whatever those might eventually turn out to be.


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posted by Ace at 03:29 PM

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