Football Analysis For Morons

I'm only posting this story because I like the quote.

Really.

Not because I enjoy gloating at Peyton Manning's misfortune, or laughing at the misguided fans who thought that when they bought tickets to a Colts game they were going to get full value for their dollar. And not because I want to add insult to injury to the poor taxpayers who had to fund Indy's "home field = 2 and one half quarters advantage" stadium.

I mean, I could do it for all those reasons, I suppose.

But, really, its all about the quote. It's football analysis put in terms that every moron can relate to easily.

“The perfect season has never been one of our goals,” Caldwell claimed after the game. “It’s never been anything we focused on or anything we talked about.”

Knocking boots with Beyonce has never been one of my goals, but if presented the opportunity, you best believe I won’t labor through 20 minutes of foreplay and signal for Curtis Painter to finish the job.

There are stated goals and there are once-in-a-lifetime opportunities only fools pass up. You put Beyonce on your resume and it opens unforeseen doors. Tom Brady is married to Gisele because he dated Bridget Moynahan first.

Yeah, yeah, I know the author is a flake. And I know that some of you ladies will probably resent being thought of as "resume enhancers". But has any other story about the Indy-Jets game been so spot-on about the royal screwing that occurred yesterday? I think not. I mean, this pretty much is the most AoSHQ lifestyle compliant sports article you will ever read that doesn't involve dwarf tossing or hobo hunting. Or the hunting of previously tossed hobo dwarves.

Oh, and ladies?

I think it's about time I went after a promotion. Who wants to help me "update" my resume?

Thanks. Knew I could count on you.

posted by Jack M. at 12:33 PM

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