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September 25, 2009

Excerpt from the Oliver Stone screenplay; Obama

Uber Pig has perpetrated a most excellent funny over at B5.


Characters: GENERAL STANLEY MCCHRYSTAL, erect posture, brow furrowed, gaunt frame, thoroughbred stride. McChrystal striding down a White House corridor, away from the Oval Office. PRESIDENT OBAMA has just finished explaining that he is considering replacing proven counterinsurgency techniques in Afghanistan with a new plan proposed by VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN. The new plan relies in equal parts on a) ninjas and b) trading hundreds of thousands of "Best of Yusuf Islam/Cat Stevens" 8-tracks to Pashtun teenagers in return for their promises to enlist in the Afghan Army. JOE BIDEN, golf-ball white teeth, transplanted hair, checking his twitter account on his iPhone, walking toward the Oval office. Biden stops, looks up, holds out his hand to McChrystal:

Joe Biden: "Hey Stan."

The Man: ...

Joe Biden: "Sorry. Stanley? I always get confused with you military guys, about what I should call you."

The Man: ...

Joe Biden: "General McChrystal?"

(General McChrystal gives Biden a feral smile, holds out his right hand. Biden grabs it, then puts his left on McChrystal's bicep, a la Bill Clinton.)

The Man: "Mr. Vice President."

Joe Biden: "Hey listen, Stan, I’m sorry about this whole report thing where I recommended troop reductions to B-Rock. It’s just that we’ve been in Afghanistan for 8 years already and nothing to show for it except a disputed election for this Karzai guy. We need results. Yesterday."

The Man: ...

Joe Biden: "And as you know, nobody has ever conquered Afghanistan. Hitler couldn’t do it. Napoleon couldn’t do it. Heck, even Admiral Hirohito lost 4 aircraft carriers to the Taliban back in the World War I."

The Man: ...

There is much more here.

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posted by Uncle Jimbo at 01:28 PM

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