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September 22, 2009

Top Ten American Political Quotations
(As Recollected by Pulitzer Prize Winning NYT Columnist Maureen Dowd)

10. JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country, you greasy Dago bastard."

9. FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Well, fear, and the mixing of the races. Mostly the latter. Fear doesn't crash your property values."

8. Bill Clinton: "I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Sheeney McHebrewstein."

7. Martin Luther King, Jr.: "I have a dream, that one day, all Americans, black or white, will be judged not by the color of their skin, but of the number of Kool & the Gang albums they own, and whether they subscribe to Vibe."

6. Will Rogers: "I never met a man I didn't like. On the other hand, I don't know any chinks."

5. FDR: "Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by a pack of Puerto Ricans armed with tire-irons and bike-chains."

4. Abraham Lincoln: "Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."

3. Gloria Steinem: "A woman needs a man like a Pollack needs a slide-rule."

2. Richard M. Nixon: "I. Am not. A Jew."

...and the Number One American Political Quotation, as Recollected by Maureen Dowd...

1. America's All-Time Longest-Serving Senator, Democrat Robert Byrd: "I shall never fight in the armed forces with a Negro by my side... Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds." [quote unaltered]


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