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September 15, 2009

If You Outlaw Swords, Only Outlaws Will Have Swords

Swords don't kill people. People* kill people.

* People armed with swords, I mean.

A Johns Hopkins University student armed with a samurai sword killed a suspected burglar in a garage behind his off-campus home early Tuesday, hours after someone broke in and stole electronics.


Some shocked neighbors said they heard bloodcurdling screams in an area just blocks from the university.....

Around 1:20 a.m., the student heard noises behind the home and noticed a door to the garage was open, Guglielmi said. He grabbed the sword and confronted the intruder, who was crouching beneath a counter.

The student asked the suspect what he was doing and threatened to call police.

"When he said that, the suspect lunged at him, kind of forced the kid against the wall, and he struck him with the sword," Guglielmi said.

The intruder's left hand was nearly severed — Guglielmi described it as "hanging on by a thread" — and the man suffered a severe cut to the upper body. The 49-year-old suspect, whom police described as a habitual offender, died at the scene.

450 experience points, check his pockets for loot.

A lot of people keep a baseball bat under the bed for this situation.

It does make you think, though. Sure, a baseball bat is a decent weapon.

But basically a sword is a baseball bat with a sharp edge.

And a home-owner defending himself with a baseball bat is sooo cliched, so obvious, so expected.

Now imagine you're a thief, and a guy's coming coming at you with a sword.

The simple fact he's carrying a sword tells you 1, he means business, 2, he's probably going to kill you and not just give you a concussion, 3, he's probably insane in the first place, crazier than you, even, and more tweaked up on meth to boot, and 4, seriously, he means business, he's been masturbating about this very moment since he got his first Magic: The Gathering deck ten years ago and he'll be damned if he lets you out of here without "closing the deal," as they say.

So, a sword, I think.

With a gun for back-up.

Sword Control:

Real swords with a sharp edge are illegal in every state that I know of (no kidding, check your laws).

Sword Control doesn't appear to be working any better than gun control.

posted by: Huckleberry

I had no idea. I know they sell replica swords on that damn 4 am knife show.

You can't put an edge on them? All those ninja swords on dude's walls aren't sharpened?


digg this
posted by Ace at 04:47 PM

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