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September 09, 2009

Charlie Sheen: Splitting Atoms, With His Mind

No one has ever accused Charlie Sheen of being excessively intelligent, or overly stable, or of demonstrating overweening judgment.

He's really stupid as a rock here, though, as he composes a fantasy interview with Barack Obama, in which, inevitably, the president compliments on him for being "focused and organized." (That might not seem like much of a compliment, but to a paranoid goofus, it's like being told You're so f'n' hot.)

Implicit though thankfully unstated is the president's obvious gratitude for Sheen's heroism in the face of almost certain ridicule. (Warning: Link to Alex "Fatboy Non-Slim" Jones' Truther asylum. Who else would publish such drivel?)

Jeepers! I forgot the whole point! This is Charlie Sheen explaining Truther Conspiracy "Proofs" to the thankful president.

PBO – Well Charlie I can’t say this hasn’t been interesting. As I said earlier you’ve showed up today focused and organized. Regardless how I feel about the material you’ve presented, I must commend your dedication and zeal. However, our time here is up.

(the President rises from his chair , I do the same).

CS – Mr. President! One more second!

(The President starts towards the door – I follow him quickly step for step).

CS – Mr. President, I implore you based on the evidence you now possess, to use your Executive Power. Prove to us all Sir, that you do, in fact, care. Create a truly comprehensive and open Congressional investigation of 9/11 and its aftermath. The families deserve the truth, the American people and the rest of the free world deserve the truth. Mr. President -

(He pauses. We shake hands).

CS – Make sure you’re on the right side of history.

(The President breaks the handshake).


PBO – I am on the right side of history. Thank you Charlie, my staff and I will be in touch.

(I watch as he strides gracefully out of the room, the truth I provided him held firmly by his side; in the hand of providence.)

Thanks to Dave @ Garfield Ridge.

Mary-Sue: There's a term in fanfic called "The Mary-Sue." A Mary-Sue character is one obviously modeled on the writer of the fanfic, often, in fact, actually bearing the name of the writer. The writer inserts herself into the tv show or movie cast she obsesses over, because that's her fantasy.

90% of the time the Mary-Sue character winds up saving the day or otherwise having her fictional heroes compliment her on how wonderful she is.

Embarrassing wish-fulfillment, of course.

In this case, Charlie Sheen is a fan of the neverending TV show Hangin' Wit' President Obama. And so of course he stuck Mary-Sue Sheen into the show, and saved the world, and was thanked, for his "focus and organization," and also (this seems more plausible) his "dedication and zeal."


Missed This: President Obama's also a fan of Two and Half Men.

CS – I should point out that I voted for you, as your promises of hope and change, transparency and accountability, as well as putting government back into the hands of the American people, struck an emotional chord in me that I hadn’t felt in quite some time, perhaps ever.

PBO – And I appreciate that Charlie. Big fan of the show, by the way.

CS – Sir, I can’t imagine when you might find the time to actually watch my show given the measure of what you inherited.

PBO – I have it Tivo’d on Air Force One. Nice break from the traveling press corps. (He glances at his watch) not to be abrupt or to rush you, but you have 19 minutes left.

CS – I’ll take that as an invitation to cut to the chase.

PBO – I’m all ears. Or so I’ve been told.

Oooh, the humorous banter. Reminds me of a good episode of Star Trek, like the time I invented the Picard Maneuver and then explained it to Jean-Luc and told him to take all the credit, and then he gave me a hand-jay.


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posted by Ace at 11:08 PM

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