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August 15, 2009

Overnight Open Thread – Nom nom nom… (genghis)

Ever get that not so fresh feeling? Then that probably means you should step into the shower once in a while. A more pressing question is, do you ever get hungry? Or have birthdays? Often at the same time? If so, you can probably appreciate this story about a man who is preparing a 40 course meal for his 40th birthday. Put aside the Cheetos for a moment and stand in awe (well, sit in awe and take this opportunity to wipe off your orange-colored mitts):

” Ian Saunders is saying farewell to his 30s today, not with misgiving but with, well, a big bash and a mega-meal. He's marking the transition to the big 4-0 tonight with a 40-course mega-meal, much of which he will prepare. Mega, as in the need for 640 plates and 240 wine glasses, which wiped out a rental outfit with everything but its Christmas settings. ("It's not like I had 640 plates in the cupboard," he said.) And mega, as in the price tag. "Probably about $2,500," he said. "I figure you only turn 40 once. 'What do I do when I turn 80?' is the real question."

Kick ass!!! There must be at least 10 flavors of buffalo wings alone. Never mind the many ways you can present a slab of ribs (and rib smoothies make a delicious beverage choice as well.) Sadly though, Mr Saunders has chosen an unwise path and…well, you’ll see:
“For his 40-course shindig, he's moving the furniture out of his small Capitol Hill house to accommodate dozens of guests. He also sent Facebook messages to two classmates he hadn't seen in a decade. They replied within an hour, offering to fly to Seattle and help him with the cooking. They showed up Friday.The only rule: The food must be French. (Saunders and his wife visit France every year, always staying in the same room in the same Paris hotel.)”

Ok. It’s ok. The French make some passable food, so all is not lost. Is it? IS IT? (cue ominous music):
” Most items on the menu are secret, but a few have leaked out: Chicken-liver mousse, fava-bean soup, a single radish with salt and herbed butter, and a special chocolate dessert. Out of necessity, some dishes will amount to simply a bite or two. He wants to make the final course a single strawberry he'll pick himself from a greenhouse, served with a dollop of lemon quark.”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A single strawberry. And what the hell is a “quark” anyway, besides being an elementary particle and/or a character on “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine?” Will a single dollop do? I’m just asking is all, between the wracking sobs I’m experiencing over what could’ve been. I need to be alone now. You understand.

Tonight’s sponsor below the fold. We’ll all get through this…somehow.

Tonight’s ONT is sponsored by the Cultosaurus Erectus seen below in its natural habitat.

”Screw Polident. Next time I’m going with Sea Bond"

Please extend a hearty welcome to the newest advertiser we’ve brought on board: Sea Bond. 4 out 5 album cover fantasy creatures choose Sea Bond over other denture adhesives. Why wouldn’t you?

Here’s the new jingle we’re test-marketing. Seems to be missing something, though I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s almost as if it needs one additional instrument to round it out and give it some some depth and fullness. Maybe a woodblock. Glockenspiel? Harpsichord? Help me out here…

Please, constructive criticism only. We’re trying to land the Pepto Bismol account as well and we don’t want to scare them away. Any snarkiness will result in the Pepto dance commercial being posted repeatedly, in numbers you will be unable to scroll beyond.

Notice: Posted by permission of AceCorp LLC. Please e-mail overnight open thread tips to xgenghisx@gmail.com. Otherwise send tips to Ace.

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posted by xgenghisx at 09:30 PM

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