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August 02, 2009

Overnight Open Thread – Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Etc. - (genghis)

By now you’re probably quite aware that it sucks being you. Probably no need to remind you of that since you have to deal with that simple fact of life every day…in what little time you have remaining. Not only today as you watch the clock wind down on the last precious minutes of your so-called “weekend” and you trudge off to bed, secure in the depressing knowledge that when you wake up on Monday morning you have at least five days of soul-crushing “work” ahead of you that there’s no escape from.

But beyond that you still have the remainder of your life to experience even more suckitude. This will come in new ways and means that you can’t even begin to consider because what little imagination you once had has been ground out of you and crushed on the ground like a cheap cigarette. And if you’re hoping for the sweet embrace of death to rescue you from you? Fat chance, at least if you’re a regular around here. I have it on good authority that for you the afterlife will resemble the waiting room at the Department of Motor Vehicles. There you will take a number from one of those “spitters” like they have at delis, then told to take a seat and wait for your number to be called. When you have a seat and look at the number it says “8,” so you think “that’s not too bad.” Then you slowly realize you’re holding the ticket sideways...

Eternity is a long time I'm told.

But hey! Let’s not let all that get us down, ok? Because other peoples lives suck too, so why not revel in their misfortune while you still have the opportunity? Who knows, their lives may suck even more than yours (doubtful), but you can at least compare and contrast at FMylife. The “F” of course stands for a word that starts with “F.” Here’s a couple of examples:

”Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML”

“Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML”

“Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML”

So you get the idea. Got anything you want to share with us? Don’t forget to end your comment with the required “FML.” Perhaps we’ll compile the best ones in an updated post later. Thanks to Matt (an obviously sadistic bastard to spring this on a Sunday night)

Some FML entertainment and this week’s commenter stats below the fold.


Don't be afraid to sing along or at least tap yer toes...

Tonight's ONT is sponsored once again by Drunken Kitteh because I can't find the original sponsor pic I had planned. FML.

Weekly AoSHQ Commenter Stats

Top 10 Commenters
1 [681 comments] ATNorth [97.3 posts/day]
2 [371 comments] Miss'80sBaby
3 [353 comments] wherestherum
4 [344 comments] kbdabear
5 [326 comments] muffy
6 [285 comments] Blazer
7 [279 comments] Jonathon E.
8 [263 comments] Ben
9 [252 comments] toby928
10 [248 comments] joan

Top 10 Sockpuppeteers:
1 [64 names] 'kbdabear' [9.1 unique names/day]
2 [53 names] 'toby928'
3 [38 names] 'fluffy'
4 [35 names] 'somejoe'
5 [35 names] 'ATNorth'
6 [34 names] 'andycanuck'
7 [30 names] 'logprof'
8 [23 names] 'Little poon the left wing baboon'
9 [21 names] 'Blazer'
10 [21 names] 'Soap MacTavish'

Notice: Posted by permission
of AceCorp LLC. Please e-mail overnight open thread tips to xgenghisx@gmail.com. Otherwise send tips to Ace.

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posted by xgenghisx at 09:47 PM

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