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June 08, 2009

Overnight open thread – Proud Birthplace of the Free-Range Skittle (genghis)

With Father’s Day fast approaching, don’t forget to visit the overnight open thread online gift shop on your way out tonight and pick up some overnight gear. Once we actually create some that is. Meanwhile, here’s some alternate ideas for ya’:

Item #1: This really needs no explanation (but feel free to add one anyway): The Death Star Grill. Of course any true Jedi would just levitate that porterhouse and grill it with their mind but we know you’re just not all that.

Item #2: So dear ol’ Dad’s already got himself a fancy Death Star grill, no? Well, why not wander over to Cracked and peruse their selection of 7 Safety Products for the Incredibly Paranoid. Personally, I think that title is overly harsh and judgemental. In fact, I can’t really see any reason for not owning all of these items which exude an aura of awesomeness and not paranoia. Well, that is except for maybe #4. It’s safe to say (I hope) that none of us of the male species should really have any fear of this thing since we’d never take the kind of action that it’s meant to…well, not prevent, but…Anyway, the point is, this is the sort of thing that haunts our nightmares and makes us curl up into a fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably.

Item #3: So rather than that, let’s think about more pleasant things such as, say Auto-Erotic Asphyxia’s Deadly Thrill. ABC News (Health Division) tells us as much, and maybe even a little bit more, than we need to know about this sexual practice following last week’s death of David Carradine. No point really in quoting any of the article here except for maybe this:

”Stone statues dating back to 1,000 AD suggest it was known to the ancient Mayans in Mexico. The Marquis de Sade, whose name was given to the practice of sado-masochism, described it in his 1791 novel, "Justine."”

Given how hard stone-carving is in the first place, there were Mayan sculptors who actually spent time carving statues of this activity? No offense, but that almost seems like the equivalent of a modern-day sculptor carving out a statue of, say, a blog commenter, particularly at this place. I’m sure the Mayan sculptors had a tough time with the details, such as the ligature and so forth, but how would a modern-day sculptor accurately represent in stone such things as a half-eaten bag of Cheetos (much less the powdered cheese residue on the fingers and keyboard), the various stains and bodily fluids on the clothes (or lack thereof...clothes, that is), the three-day facial hair growth (and that’s just among the wymyn here), and the permanently bloodshot eyes (it’s gotta’ be a bitch to carve out all those little blood vessels.)

But who am I to tell people how to spend their time (by which I mean you are instructed to spend every waking moment at your computer reading and commenting here).

Tonight’s overnight thread is sponsored by The Vice President of the United States of America.”

Soon to be released: “Stuff Joe Biden Said,” Vol. I, First Edition, from AceHouse Publishing Co.

Notice: Posted by permission of AceCorp LLC. Please e-mail overnight open thread tips to xgenghisx@gmail.com. Otherwise send tips to Ace.

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posted by xgenghisx at 10:12 PM

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