250 Taliban Ambushers Beaten by "Bailout Fatigue" and 30 Marines, But Mostly 30 Marines | Main | GM will send $1B of bailout money to Brazil
November 24, 2008

Top Ten Signs That Unnamed 20-for-20 Marine Marksman Might Be a Badass

10. Never goes anywhere without his "bible," a pocket-sized copy of the inspirational words of R. Lee "Full Metal Jacket" Ermey, titled Get the Fuck Off My Obstacle You Disgusting Fatbody

9. Beat the shit out of his company commander for right to dress in nonstandard uniform, which just happens to be exact costume worn by "The Humungous" from The Road Warrior

8. Just signed up as host of MTV's new show, Pimp My Vital Organs and/or Brain Stem

7. Known among his fellow Marines for passion for wrestling alligators and, also, fucking them ("They gotta feel like they've been beaten," he explains)

6. Only living American to receive France's highest military decoration, Le Palme d' Batman (with Wolverine cluster)

5. In his spare time, invents completely impractical new weapons, like the "Sword-Rifle," the "Whip-Rifle, and the "Nunchuck-Rifle;" no one argues with him, because he's also the inventor of a new form of debate, "Long-Ranged Ballistic Rhetoric"

4. Secret ingredient in his self-loaded high-power cartridges' gunpowder mix? See page 44 of Natural Harvest: A collection of semen- based recipes

3. Lists his hobbies as flyfishing, woodcrafting, and perfecting his own primitive diamond-cannon just in case the President declares war on the Gorn Empire

2. Creator of his own style of martial arts, Jeet Kun Wae-Do Fah Zho, or "Harmonious Way of Shooting People in Their Fucking Faces"

...and the number one sign the unnamed 20-for-20 Marine Marksman just might be a badass...

1. Uses phrase "I'd hit it" with air of chilling menace



digg this
posted by Ace at 09:29 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Steve and Cold Bear: "[i]Craig wanted to be gay JB. Just another r ..."

Who Was Phone?: "319 Jewish Bond. C'mon, SJWs. Put your money wh ..."

Gork: "We must say there is a problem IN Islam. The alter ..."

parsimony: "120 & 168Political Hat, er, Probability Hat (& ..."

runner: "Blacked dot com. There is your reason. Posted ..."

filbert: "[i]Pussy Galore = Spunk Galore. Etc, etc. And t ..."

bluebell: "bth, I saw the first line of your comment and I th ..."

Chigger Fleas [/i]: "315 Indian Bond?Moore was Indian. His mother was ..."

boulder terlit hobo: "Watching "Rogue One". It doesn't suck!!! It doe ..."

publius (not Breitbart publius): "Just imagine the gay version of the Bond girl name ..."

Chigger Fleas [/i]: "Jewish Bond.C'mon, SJWs.  Put your money wher ..."

otho: "Cillian Murphy as Bond. Posted by: Who Was Ph ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64