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September 29, 2008

Nancy Pelosi: Bad Party Guest (Kat-Mo)

I just caught a snippet of Nancy Pelosi's press briefing. She said, and I quote, "tell Wall Street the party is over."

Is Nancy talking about the party where she, Barack Obama, Chris Dodd and Barney Frank showed up, swilled all the good liquor, double dipped, left water rings on your heirloom side table, invited a bunch of people you didn't know, got drunk and then freaked out all your friends making weird faces, telling the same bad joke over an over and making passes at everybody who walked by?

Actually, it's worse than that. Nancy is like the Tenant Association President that you have to invite to the party or she'll be calling the cops on you by 10pm. Then she shows up with all her friends, swills your good liquor, looks down her nose at your friends, goes home, gets up in the morning and sends you five separate letters regarding the various violations she drunkenly noted as you were shoving her out the door.

Like the dying fern plant in your window and the fake ficus in the corner you stole from your office that doesn't meet the apartment complex's "green" guidelines for offsetting your carbon footprint.

That your carpet has a wine stain by the couch (that she put there) that must be cleaned up within 24 hours of notification or you will be fined $1 billion payable to "Nancy Pelosi".

That your car is three years old and uses gasoline when the Tenant Association's rules state that the car must be hydrogen powered and less than two years old. Association rules indicate that the car must be bought from an approved dealer and approved loan company. Just mention that you're a "friend of Angelo's". Nancy and friends will get their cut at the next share holder's meeting.

That your apartment has a maximum capacity of 25 people, per the local fire code she helped to push through, and, after she showed up with her 10 uninvited friends, you were over capacity at 35. It is entirely your fault that you did not monitor the door, even though she used her Tenant Association Master Key to let herself in.

That, per Tenant Association rules, Chapter 19, Section 33, Subsection 88, paragraphs (AH=BO), you are not allowed to have any unapproved political signs or affiliations in your window, on your car, in your email or on a personal website. Violations are subject to eviction and prosecution by the "Truth Squad". Chapter and section available for review in German only.

You know, it is your fault. When you were taking the tour of the building, you really should have paid attention to all those glassy eyed, zombie like people making the "O" sign with their hands every time they passed each other in the hall.

You have to admit, though, it takes a giant set of shiny, brass balls to announce that the party is "over" after she cashes your tenant association checks, swills all your liquor and leaves her friends passed out on your couch.


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posted by xgenghisx at 01:16 AM

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