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September 04, 2008

Reaction to "The Speech" from Flyover Country

Even though Iowa gets to be on Centerstage for a little while at the beginning of the process, we're still considered to be "the sticks". We don't have much gang activity, an 1100 square foot ranch home doesn't cost you $1,000,000 or more depending on the schools in that neighborhood, and you still can't order Chinese food at 3am (after a trip to Dallas a few years ago, I decided that the "Chinese Food Test" was the best way to determine if you're in a "Real City" or if you're still in Hicksville.) So I guess I still qualify as a "bitter, religious gun-clinger".

My impression? Obama should maybe put some antiseptic ointment on the burns he got last night. The last time I saw someone take that much abuse on my TV screen, Stealer's Wheel was singing "Stuck In The Middle With You" in the background. That was DEFINITELY a nice introduction to The Big Show for "The Thrilla from Wasilla". Plus, you've GOT to love The Powers That Be bringing up Bristol's fiance to stand with the family. It's like Sarah Palin is Lucy VanPelt, and she's just sitting there with the football, waiting for Charlie "Big Media" Brown to come along and try to kick it one more time. "Oh Noes, Br'er Big Media. Pleeze a-don't throws me back into the briar patch again! Iahsa can't STAND anotha five point bounce in mahysa poll numbas!"

She introduced herself, made some good policy points, and managed to land a few rounds on target while she was at it. The only things she didn't do up there were kill a caribou with a sharp stick, field dress the carcass on stage, prepare a wonderfully tasty pate out of it's liver for her kids to snack on at the post-speech parties, tan the beast's hide with a mixture of oak leaves and the caribou's own brain matter and make a stylish caribou-leather wedding dress for Bristol to wear during her upcoming White House wedding. Other than those minor details, she pretty much covered it for me. A solid speech that met expectations, even with the sky-high level of expectations the base had for her.

Yeah, I get it. The whole "Cool Facts About" phenomenon is sort of dorky and makes us all look like a bunch of drooling fanboys. So what's your point? Look, playful exaggeration is what you do with friends, and those you want to be friends with. Admittedly, you see some sarcasm with the "Cool Facts About Fred Baron" or "Cool Fact About Joe Biden" (Joe likes to sing an acapella version of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" in the shower every morning!), but those are obviously parody. It's a reflection of how the Republican base finally thinks that we've got ONE OF US in the spotlight. She's someone we have in our own families, someone we go bowling with on Tuesday nights, or even someone you see at your 20-year high school reunion and say to yourself "DAMN! How the hell did I let THAT get away?" It's always nice to see your prospective leaders and think to yourself "Hey, she's just like me" without being totally clueless.

She might not be the head of the ticket, but she'll be able to get up to speed for a good portion of her first term as VP, unless you think that the Secret Service protective detail is gonna let Johnny Mac walk in front of a bus this December. And while we're talking about inexperience in politics, I just can't figure out what kind of idiot it would take to nominate someone in the middle of their first term in an important office to be their presidential candidate? Wow, you'd have to be a total spaz to think that America would support someone with the metaphorical training wheels still on their bike having control of America's Executive Branch. Could that even HAPPEN here?

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posted by Russ from Winterset at 12:55 PM

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