In the Eyes of the Beholder: I Can't Believe D&D Has Actually Become a Presidential-Level Issue

A liberal ex-military man confesses to being a D&D dork, ridicules Michael Goldfarb, and, um, calls him a chickenhawk while he's at it.

Basically, he calls him out. Over D&D.

I have played Dungeons and Dragons for years. Started with the old "blue" rule book from 1977-78, graduated to the 2nd Edition hardback books later, waiting eagerly on a small family dairy farm in northwest Arkansas for the newest module or book to come out. Working a part time job to make enough cash to afford the hobby and spending weekends staying up all night trying like hell to survive Tomb of Horrors.

Rural upbringing, hardscrabble life... it's a biographical campaign commercial. About his D&D bona fides.

Yes, I'm a card carrying geek. And at the ripe age of 17, I raised my right hand and swore to "uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and bear true faith and allegiance to the same." Just like Senator McCain. Just like all veterans do. And you know what? In basic training, in the streets of Panama City, in the deserts of Saudi Arabia and Iraq, and in fact, all over the U.S. military, there were D&D players. It was one of those things you never expect.

Dude, you must chill.

Why? I wonder what the fine folks at the McCain camp think about things like teamwork, loyalty, duty, honor, responsiblity, friendship, and good old wholesome family entertainment -- all things I learned and practiced playing D&D. Apparently, not too much, as noted in the quote above. It seems Mr. Goldfarb, with the blessings of his employer, has decided that anyone who plays Dungeons and Dragons is some sort of anti-social uber nerd, incapable of manly activities, such as political blogging or being shot down over Hanoi.

Seriously now, you're frightening the children.

[Many D&D dorks] became doctors, lawyers, excelled in business, the arts, and even politics. And a more than a few of them put on the uniform and stand by the colors. And more than a few of them have come back from the very wars that men like Mr. Goldfarb have sent them covered in the colors, the same colors that are given to grieving mothers, wives, and girlfriends.

I cannot believe he's linking D&D with the flag-draped coffins of America's war-dead.

Yes, Mr. Goldfarb, I play Dungeons and Dragons. And I have, in my home, a very large box filled with medals and decorations that prove my service to this nation. Where were you, sir, when your country called? Oh yes, writing for the Weekly Standard.

While gaming geeks rallied around the flag.

This guy's a serious as a heart attack. About knocking D&D as dorky. Did I mention that?

What the fuck, man? In the words of Johnny Mac, "You cannot be seeerious."

There's D&D, and then there's Mazes & Monsters. And this guy just joined Tom Hanks in the storm drains with his +3 Nailgun (double damage against sleeping homeless men who are really disguised Red Dragons, triple damage against concerned college staff psychiatrists).

Given my own expertise in politics and D&D, I gotta think I'm going to be on Nightline soon to analyze this important issue.

Thanks to DrewM.

McCain Desperately Attempts Damage Reduction (DR)!

But uh-oh -- he's holding a 4th Edition book. That just puts him in the middle of an even thornier political controversy. No matter how much he struggles, he gets pulled deeper into this sticky controversy (much like fighting a Gelatinous Cube, I should note).

Thanks to Slublog, who snapped the picture at a McCain fundraiser at OrcCon. He netted $35,000 and preview copies of The Compleat Slayer's Guide to Dire Badgers.

It's August! Before I was a big macher in the media (eh-eh-ahem), I always used to hear about the Silly Season of August, when the lack of real stories forced the media to cover really trivial stuff.

I'm still waiting to see that.

Warden's Rebuttal:

I was born on a small family dairy farm in northwest Arkansas, the only son of a 3rd level elven ranger who had no more to his name than a +2 dagger of healing and a handcrafted chain link satchel to hold his 20 sided dye.

At the ripe age of 17, I raised my right hand and swore to "uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies, foreign and domestic and against all orcs, goblins, and evil mages who dwell in vast towers of rough hewn stone and fashion great spells of enchantment.

I wonder what the fine folks at the McCain camp think about things like teamwork, loyalty, duty, honor, responsiblity, friendship, asthma inhalers, and fearless saving throws made in the heat of battle.

Where were you, sir, when your the Horn of Chaos was called and I and my fellow gamers rallied to save the Fair Lady Eyowynn held captive in the dark woods of Almoth by the Clan of the Unholy Undead? Oh yes, on a date. With a girl.

Pfffftt! Whatever/

This is getting serious. I just heard that St. Paul is worried about D&D related rioting, and plans to activate 6d12 additional cops to be assigned to Wandering Law Enforcement duty.

posted by Ace at 02:28 PM

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