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August 19, 2008

Finally Some Progress

In Vehicular Manslaughter Tech

As you drive to and from work day after day, surely you observe other drivers weaving slowly yet unpredictably in and out of the left lane while reading People Magazine, talking on their cellphones, and eating linguini with a fork and spoon.

You probably often yawn to yourself, "How can my daily commute get more dangerous? Surely there's some way to increase lethal distractions on the road. It's like these pathetic assholes aren't even trying anymore."

Well my friends, your boredom is about to come to a painful, crashing end.'s a microwave that's not only mini, it's actually designed to work in your car, so you can heat up pop-tarts or nuke some links while you drive to work (theoretically, at least -- let's hope you do this cooking while parked) [Let's hope a million dollars flies out of my ass, while we're at it.-Ed.]

Maplin, a UK electronics retailer (think Radio Shack), is selling a microwave that runs on 12 Volt DC power -- yes, it's meant to be plugged into your car's cigarette lighter, which means you'll be able to heat up your burritos, cold pizza, or even ramen noodles while you careen down the highway at 80-miles-per-hour.

NOW you're talkin', you crazy sumbitches! Microwaves are synonymous with speed, am I right?

Be assured my darling morons that your friends and neighbors are right now ordering this product with trembling fingers. You might maybe think of getting some better tires and wearing driving gloves.

And stockpile Stouffer's Welsh Rarebit lava-hot cheese sauce. That stuff will sell out in no time. It's made for the open road.

From Fark.

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posted by Laura. at 12:07 PM

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