Edwards Admits Affair
Nuance: But Denies Child
More Nuance: Oh, By the Way, I Didn't Love Her, So It's Cool
BEST NUANCE EVER: I Didn't Pay Her Off, But "Possibly" My Friends Did Without Telling Me!

Breaking.

DO NOT CLICK [ace]: This post has been censored by the Committee to Protect Elizabeth (acronym: MSM).

Story: I'm bold-facing the stuff that really makes John Edwards look like a hell of a guy.

Faggot? No fuckin' way. Only a straight guy could treat women this viciously.

John Edwards repeatedly lied during his Presidential campaign about an extramarital affair with a novice filmmaker, the former Senator admitted to ABC News today.

In an interview for broadcast tonight on Nightline, Edwards told ABC News correspondent Bob Woodruff he did have an affair with 44-year old Rielle Hunter, but said that he did not love her.

I didn't inhale... her pheremones.

Edwards also denied he was the father of Hunter's baby girl, Frances Quinn, although the one-time Democratic Presidential candidate said he has not taken a paternity test.

Uh-huh.

Edwards said he knew he was not the father based on timing of the baby's birth on February 27, 2008. He said his affair ended too soon for him to have been the father.

A former campaign aide, Andrew Young, has said he was the father of the child.

Read: Reille Hunter has been passed around more than a bong at a Phish concert.

What a sweetheart.

According to friends of Hunter, Edwards met her at a New York city bar in 2006....

Edwards said his wife, Elizabeth, and others in his family became aware of the affair in 2006.

Edwards made a point of telling Woodruff that his wife's cancer was in remission when he began the affair with Hunter.

He seems to be denying paternity in order to avoid confessing he was schtupping this woman while his wife was dying of incurable cancer.

"Hey, I just fucked her when Elizabeth was in remission. It's like the Area Code theory, you know? If you're in another Area Code, or your wife is in remission, it's not really 'cheating.'"

This underscores the point I've been making, implicitly, for some time. "Protect Elizabeth"? Give me a fucking break.

You think she hasn't heard?

"I Didn't Love Her:" It occurs to me that Edwards is trying to not be a scumbag here, actually, by trying to reduce the pain for his wife by insisting he didn't love the other woman.

It probably doesn't help all that much -- I'm not sure that "it was just sexual" helps women cope, either -- but maybe his intentions are good here. I mean, he did a lot of bad stuff here along the way, but maybe on this point he's trying to mitigate the distress he's caused his wife.

More:

Edwards today admitted the National Enquirer was correct when it reported he had visited Hunter at the Beverly Hills Hilton last month.

The former Senator said his wife had not known about the meeting.

Yeah, you can never trust that National Enquirer. They make libelous claims all the fucking time, because they have all these writerly romanticized notions of bankruptcy and massive personal judgments.

So.... He was in Rielle Hunter's hotel room at 3 am, with "Andrew Young's Child" present, holding it and sweeping about, and probably having sex with Hunter. (Though I'm sure he denies that.)

He's having sex in front of someone else's kid? He's holding someone else's baby?

Okay.

ZOMFG: Better and better. Fucking Goldmine.

Edwards denied paying any money to Hunter to keep her from going public but said it was possible some of his friends or supporters may have made payments without telling him.

Uh... huh. That's what friends do all the time. They pay your mistresses off to keep them quiet to protect you and also don't tell you about their incredible munificence, just to protect you further and keep you out of the loop.

The number of Secret Ace Babies that my old college buds are currently supporting without my knowledge runs into at least the high teens, I'm pretty sure.

They just do this stuff for me. Why? I don't know. They're just really, really, really good friends. They're like the most awsomely awesomacious friends in the whole awesome world.

Hmmm... Nixon tried admitting some, while denying the worst of it, in a gambit called the "Modified Limited Hang-Out." Clinton tried this too.

Did John Edwards just try the "Modified Limited Pull-Out"?

posted by DrewM. at 03:00 PM

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