Dude, Where's My TelePrompter?

The Omniscience of Obama.

The Lord talks in mysterious ways.

A much lesser gaffe here (sorry for stealing the good one, Gateway Pundit!), and uncharacteristic optimism from Allah about how Obama's frequent gaffes and fundamental confusion will play in the debates.

UPDATE [DinT]: Corrected link from Nice Deb, thanks dear.
The Sermon on the Mount, Obamified:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they... the thing is, it costs the poor... wait, the poor. There are costs. Please, you're confusing me. Please let me get this straight.

The poor, they have this spirit, and it costs about the same... Okay. It costs something.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit... what was that? Yes I'm glad you're fired up. I'm talking about the poor in spirit. No wait, I'm on to the meek now. It costs about the same to feed the meek as it does to put a man on the moon.

I think. Wait, no, let me check my math.

It costs less to feed the meek than it does to build a missile. Yes, less. So we could have this missile, or we could feed the meek. I guess maybe we could do both if we left Iraq. So missiles, and feeding the meek. Pretty good deal.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst... Wait, I guess we're supposed to be feeding those who do hunger. All that stuff I said about the meek? I meant it about those who hunger. So, we can feed those who hunger. The meek... I guess we don't have to feed them, because they're usually pretty thin and don't eat a lot.

Yeah, right, the meek are pretty easy to feed, I think. So, actually, you know when I said to ignore what I said about feeding the meek? Ignore that. We can feed both those who do hunger and the meek for about what it costs... it costs something. The costs. We could feed them for the costs. Whatever those costs are. Again I think it has to do with the price of Iraq.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Also we could probably feed them. Since we're feeding the hungry and the meek, I guess it wouldn't be too hard just to put down another plate and feed the merciful too. Because of Iraq.

See, we're leaving Iraq. We have all of our food in Iraq. We leave Iraq, we can feed the meek, the merciful, and those who are actually hungry. Pretty sweet deal.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will bring the potato salad. There are costs... Potato salad costs money. We have money going into Iraq for non-potato-salad expenses. We pull out, the costs, you see the costs, we can put that right into potato salad. The peacemakers will bring it.

German style too, if you don't like all that mayonnaise. I like both, actually, so it's cool with me either way.

You can't have a picnic without potato salad.

That's why the peacemakers are so cool.

Rejoice, and have a Fresca. There are costs to Fresca, but I think the meek can handle it. I think they can swing bringing Fresca. Oh, and buns. That's pretty cheap. Fresca and buns. There are costs, but then, Iraq.

The meek shall also bring the meat.

I know I have the meek bringing a lot of stuff now, but the meek are inheriting the earth, I think, so they're still coming out way ahead on the deal.

I'm tired. I haven't slept much in forty eight hours.

Oh shit-- someone has to bring a vegetarian meal.

I guess we'll stick that on the meek, again. I think they're mostly vegetarians anyway. Besides, they're meek, so they probably won't complain. That's what makes them meek.

Costs.

posted by Ace at 04:29 PM

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