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Wherein I Prove I'm Just as Much of a Self-Serving and Vain Chump as Time.com Figured I Was | Main | Politico's Top Fifty Political Moments
April 08, 2008

FAQ: How Do I Clear a Light Toilet Blockage If I Don't Have a Plumber's Helper and Am Too Lazy to Walk Half a Block to Buy One?

1) Secure an empty two liter bottle of Coke Zero. You will find these conveniently littered on your bedroom floor. Other two liter bottles may or may not work. But you shouldn't be drinking those, as Diet Pepsi is for high school girls and Fanta is for gays.

2) Keeping your hands out of what we will call "The Mess," allow the bottle to fill as much as possible with "The Mess" water. Probably you can only fill it about a third of the way without compromising your cleanliness and health. Hands must be kept out of "The Mess," remember.

3) Poke the partly filled bottled down to the, um, hole. Whatever you call that. Where "The Mess" goes when you've finished your dirty business.

4) Squeeze the bottle as quickly and as forcefully as possible, sending a jet of air and "The Mess" down through the hole and clearing the blockage.

It works. One-shot. Don't ask how I know. I just do.

PS note this only works on a light blockage, or at least that's as much as I'm prepared to say based on the limited number of trials I'm aware of.

This seems about as good a time as any to to link to this Instapundit piece on how much additional housework a husband creates, and how much he actually does.

I know one damn thing: No woman is going to think of, or dare trying to execute, the Coke Zero Bottle solution to a stopped toilet.

Then again if a woman's in the house there would probably be a plunger beside the toilet anyway (along with tampons, candles, and various tiny soaps which are supposed to be "cute" but you can't use them and who the fuck washes their hands with a pink turtle).

Maybe it's a wash, I dunno.


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posted by Ace at 12:17 PM

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