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March 07, 2008

Fat American Consumed By Hatred and Corpse-Feeding Vermin, But Mostly... Eh, Let's Call It 50/50

Although, I guess, Adam Gadahn consumed a lot of donuts too, and if he'd been a bit svelter, maybe he could have dodged a bit of that shrapnel.

Fat American dies of decadent lifestyle? Apparently so.

That is at least what another source claims. It's just another source and this remains unconfirmed, but no one, except Al Qaeda, is gainsaying it yet.

Twelve militants were killed in a single missile attack on a residential compound in Khushali Wazir in the Mirali tehsil during the night of January 28. A loud explosion rocked the area at 11:22 p.m. According to well-informed NEFA sources in Pakistan, among those reportedly killed in the attack were senior al-Qa’ida commander Abu Laith al-Libi, his former deputy Abu Suhail, Hamza al-Somali (of Australian or US nationality), and Azzam al-Amriki (an a.k.a. of American al-Qa’ida member Adam Gadahn) [Gadahn’s death has yet to be officially confirmed].

Additional reports say he's surrounded by 72 virgins, who are all telling him, "I like you too much as a friend to ruin it with sleeping you," which is an even weaker excuse than normal considering the fact he 1) just met them a couple of days ago and 2) no one really liked "as a friend" or otherwise.

When your coworkers are all Al Qaeda and even they say stuff like, "Yes, al-Zawahiri is, oh I don't know, maybe a little over the top sometimes, but it's that Adam Gadahn who's really an asshole," well.

Not sure if Adam Gadahn was born Jewish, but let's say he was. He was a very high-ranking Al Qaeda terrorist, perhaps number five in the whole organization, which means, sadly, that even when it comes to Al Qaeda terrorism, Jews and Americans are just better at it than most Islamist fuckheads.

Can't you guys even manage a decent go at this without fucking it all up? We've left a whole field of human endeavor wide open to you -- true, a thoroughly stupid and evil field, but we figure that's about your speed -- and you're still being outpaced by the Jews and Westerners and Jew-Westerners.

Allah wants to know why Al Qaeda hasn't announced his death yet. Well, maybe Al Qeada just tends to be shy about confirming the deaths of major figures -- like, perhaps Osama bin Ladin himself.

And maybe those in Al Qaeda who know he's dead aren't saying yet, because they're too busy arguing about how to divide up his child-porn mags/XBOX games/Cheetos of the Month Club subscription.

Dan Riehl has a good death-clock tick-tock of the events leading up to Adam "Rerun" Gadahn's untimely sad scrumptious demise.

Just Got An Email From Adam Gadah... Turns out Paradise has a Fat Camp. An eternal one.

Oh well, sucks for you, man. How many times did I tell you? Atkins.

Carbs are killers.

So are Predator drones armed with Hellfire missiles, actually.

But you know that. I guess I'm preaching to the converted on that one, huh? LOL (wink)


Eighties-nostalgia video-baiting:



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posted by Ace at 09:53 AM

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