When Paulbots attack Clintons!

This is probably the most pathetic and yet most compellingly entertaining political story you will read today.

Meet Robert Morrow, full time Clinton-hater and Ron Paul enthusiast.

Now if I were to say to you "describe a man who spends over 10 hours a day researching Clinton conspiracies and supporting Ron Paul" I bet you would probably list the following:

Perpetually indignant.
43 years old.
Unmarried.
Doesn't hold a steady job.
Occasionally day trades stocks.
Lives off an inheritance.

Shockingly, Robert Morrow meets all these criteria and more! Let's learn more about this fascinatingly nuanced man of letters, shall we?

So, Rob, tell me your thoughts about Chelsea Clinton.

"Chelsea is the seed of Web Hubbell and not Bill Clinton. Would I bet my life on it? No. I would bet my pickup truck," he declares between bites of salmon. "Hillary Clinton was sleeping with both of her law partners, Webb Hubbell and Vince Foster. And she's a lesbian, too."

Interesting. I always thought her dad was Janet Reno, but then I haven't read all the books.

How does a man as worldly and sophisticated as Robert Morrow spend his days?

"I've got other aspects of my life when I'm not, you know, stopping Clinton pond scum," insists Morrow, who has no steady job but enjoys a family inheritance. "Um, I like to work out at the gym. I like to go hiking. I like to ride my bicycle."

You know who else likes hiking? Gabriel Malor. I'm just sayin'....

So what do you think about that Clinton killed dozens of people email I've been getting for the past decade, Rob?

But Morrow doesn't want to come off looking as reckless as those who say the Clintons have been involved in dozens of killings; he suspects they were only involved with maybe 5 percent of those alleged murders.

You see, this is what separates your run of the mill conspiracy theorists from the really insane guys...the ability to separate the wheat from the chaff. You know what word is becoming synonymous with Robert Morrow? "Credibility", that's what.

Tell me more about your politics, Rob. I'm on the verge of subscribing to your newsletter, as I must know more. It's my civic duty, you understand, to be informed.

Morrow lives in a suburban Austin home with a lot of Ron Paul campaign material, a prominently displayed Hooters calendar and an 8-foot tall shelf packed with Clinton books. In many, he has meticulously underlined passages he deems important and jotted margin notes and stars.

Remember when I used the word "credibility"? I'm beginning to re-think that choice. It's possible I was wrong....

But the guy has a Hooters calendar, so I feel obliged to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he likes tit, you must acquit after all.

For South Carolina's January primary, Morrow funded thousands of recorded calls to voters attacking Clinton. He used his voice on the message, which among other things, accused Clinton allies of trying to silence former White House aide Katherine Willey, who said President Clinton groped her. He said: "They nail-gunned her car tires and stole or killed her pet cat named Bull's-eye. Hillary thinks cats are expendable. Can you trust her?"

And, you lost me, Rob. Anyone who thinks cats are expendible is a better candidate than I once thought.

So what will you do when Clinton, umm, "pulls out" of the race Rob? You have devoted a large chunk of what you call a life to her family it seems.

As Sen. Clinton's prospects have faded, Morrow has been spending more time trying to mobilize voters for Paul, the libertarian Republican candidate.

I see. You think that's the way to go, do you? Good luck with that. Really.

You know the truly sad part about all this? The guy would probably make one hell of a blogger. Well, when he wasn't editing the Ron Paul wiki entry and burying stuff on Digg, anyway.

Having met Mr. Morrow, all I can say is "In my adult life I have never been prouder of my status as a co-blogger at a site founded by and written for morons than I am at this moment."

Because, you see, I could be Mr. Morrow.

posted by Jack M. at 12:14 PM

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