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October 12, 2007

Jack M. for 2008 Nobel Peace Prize

To expand on Drew's post, this is what the committee said it awarded the prize to Gore for having done:

Indications of changes in the earth's future climate must be treated with the utmost seriousness, and with the precautionary principle uppermost in our minds. Extensive climate changes may alter and threaten the living conditions of much of mankind. They may induce large-scale migration and lead to greater competition for the earth's resources. Such changes will place particularly heavy burdens on the world's most vulnerable countries. There may be increased danger of violent conflicts and wars, within and between states.
(Emph. added)

So, if I have this straight, Gore won for evangelizing a bogus theory which, presumably, has led to action which prevented (or not) future competition for resources, future conflicts, and future wars which haven't happened yet and which may (or may not) ever occur.

Got it?

Which I think is a great precedent! If one can win a Nobel Peace Prize for preventing events from transpiring which never actually would have happened anyway, than I am your man.

After all, look at my resume:

2010: Jack M. prevented the Indo-Russo-Sino "War of the Ganges" by posting a hilarious "fisking" of Vladimir Putin's webpage on AoSHQ.

2017: Jack M. prevented the "North Korea-South Korea Border Smackdown" by publishing an epic poem about Suzanne Sena on AoSHQ that convinced the Norks that the path to beauty runs through capitalism.

2025: Jack M. prevented the "Jovian-Mars" "Battle of the (Asteroid) Beltway" by sponsoring a caption contest ridiculing those goofy residents of Saturn on the AoSIntergalacticHQ website.

2053: Jack M. invented a hyperspace drive which enabled Han Solo to set a record on the Kessel Run. This record run led to new trade routes that alleviated resource shortages in a galaxy far, far away.

2100: Jack M.'s posting of the first "HamNation" is finally received by the residents of Omicron Perseii VIII, saving the Earth from brutal annexation.

Look at all the lives I may have saved! Even when you subtract the lives taken in Ace's "Hobo Sprees" I still come out ahead!

Certainly, this tremendous accomplishment deserves to be recognized. What about it Nobel Committee?

UPDATE: Being a humble sort of guy, I left several of my achievements off my resume. The commenter know as EC (but who Ace refers to as "slowhand" for some reason...) has decided to add a few of my accomplishments to my Nobel Application. Feel free to do the same!

2161: JackM's leadership and diplomacy abilities helps to form the United Federation of Planets.

Posted by: EC at October 12, 2007 10:56 AM (mAhn3)

digg this
posted by Jack M. at 11:29 AM

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