Sponsored Content

Intermarkets' Privacy Policy

Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!

Recent Entries
Absent Friends
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

« Does Iran have designs on Bahrain? [Purple Avenger] | Main | California Muslim Indicted for Supporting Brother’s Work with MILFs [VRWC Agent] »
August 05, 2007

Phuket Gazette: Queer News [S. Weasel]

Hey, that's not just a Phuket reference for cheap laughs. I mean, it is a Phuket reference for cheap laughs, but it's not just a Phuket reference for cheap laughs.

Phuket is a small island that comprises one of the Southern provinces of Thailand. It's pronounced "Poock-get" (with an aspirated "p." Okay, "aspirated p" doesn't sound all that great, either). The Phuket Gazette is one of my favorite international newspaper bookmarks, especially the Queer News section which, as you probably guessed, is "News of the Wierd" not "News of teh Ghey."

Like Wierd News collections everywhere, it's the stuff of accidental genital mutilation, stupid thefts, scary parasites and outbreaks of diarrhea. But with an exotic, spicy Thai flavor. So it's fun and educational. It's feducational!

Take the most recent item, Pistol penisectomy. The subject of this exercise was a newly ordained monk (or a guest at the ordination; it's hard to tell). Thais practice Theravada, the Way of the Elders -- the oldest form of Buddhism. Novice monks are expected to live by the Ten Precepts, but clearly this bunch was a little weak on numbers five and seven (no intoxicants and no singing, dancing or playing music). It's common for young men to serve in the temples for a few years only, as a way to get some education, so perhaps that explains the lack of total devotion.

Anyhow, a bunch of new monks were being ordained, and they hired a band and invited their friends. Each group started a drinking circle. I would love to know what a drinking circle is, exactly. Like a quilting bee with booze, I hope. Drinking turned into dancing turned into bad dancing turned into jostling turned into a full-fledged, old West style, knees-and-elbows shitstorm, during which

Theeraphon Wongkrasap was stabbed in the back. Twice. His friend Sayan Phannana took exception to this, grabbed the pistol in his waistband and you know what happened then.

The writers at the Phuket Gazette have a pretty good mastery of American colloquial English, which is sometimes stranger than it is helpful. You have to wonder what the original Thai for "blew his penis to smithereens" might be.

This item from last month really made my eyes water.

"A man was admitted to Bua Yai Hospital on June 7 with complaints of abdominal pains, which he said were caused by a leech that crawled up inside his anus while he was trying to catch fish for his wife's dinner."

They have yet to find the leech, incidentally. Nong Chingpho's advice? "I want to warn anyone who goes swimming to wear tight-fitting underpants as a leech could crawl into your bottom or genitals and you'll end up with the same problem as me." Words to live by.

I might never swim, eat fish, take off my underpants or watch Amazon Queen again.

Please validate my fragile sense of self-worth and visit my humble moronblog.

digg this
posted by xgenghisx at 02:18 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
fd: "" I will give the benefit of the doubt and assume ..."

sven: "185 Posted by: ShainS -- CISA Cognitive Security A ..."

sven: "181 Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory, red heifer owne ..."

ShainS -- CISA Cognitive Security Agent [/b][/i][/s][/u]: "Top 10 commenters: 1 [659 comments] 'Sponge - F*c ..."

JackStraw: ">>I don't think this is such a bad thing, if the k ..."

vmom stabby stabby stabby stabby stabamillion: "I like the idea of the family compound, surrounded ..."

Aristotle Onassis: " Callas was a media creation. Talented yes, -- ..."

sven: "177 Posted by: OrangeEnt at December 04, 2023 10:4 ..."

Mr Aspirin Factory, red heifer owner: "What the hell is Ft. Hood's new name? ..."

Ripley: ""Data Suggests Wealthy Elites Most Responsible for ..."

lin-duh : "Bragg, it's Ft. Bragg , quislings. Posted by: Mik ..."

Yudhishthira's Dice: "If you live with your parents as an adult because ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64