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August 05, 2007

Phuket Gazette: Queer News [S. Weasel]

Hey, that's not just a Phuket reference for cheap laughs. I mean, it is a Phuket reference for cheap laughs, but it's not just a Phuket reference for cheap laughs.

Phuket is a small island that comprises one of the Southern provinces of Thailand. It's pronounced "Poock-get" (with an aspirated "p." Okay, "aspirated p" doesn't sound all that great, either). The Phuket Gazette is one of my favorite international newspaper bookmarks, especially the Queer News section which, as you probably guessed, is "News of the Wierd" not "News of teh Ghey."

Like Wierd News collections everywhere, it's the stuff of accidental genital mutilation, stupid thefts, scary parasites and outbreaks of diarrhea. But with an exotic, spicy Thai flavor. So it's fun and educational. It's feducational!


Take the most recent item, Pistol penisectomy. The subject of this exercise was a newly ordained monk (or a guest at the ordination; it's hard to tell). Thais practice Theravada, the Way of the Elders -- the oldest form of Buddhism. Novice monks are expected to live by the Ten Precepts, but clearly this bunch was a little weak on numbers five and seven (no intoxicants and no singing, dancing or playing music). It's common for young men to serve in the temples for a few years only, as a way to get some education, so perhaps that explains the lack of total devotion.

Anyhow, a bunch of new monks were being ordained, and they hired a band and invited their friends. Each group started a drinking circle. I would love to know what a drinking circle is, exactly. Like a quilting bee with booze, I hope. Drinking turned into dancing turned into bad dancing turned into jostling turned into a full-fledged, old West style, knees-and-elbows shitstorm, during which

Theeraphon Wongkrasap was stabbed in the back. Twice. His friend Sayan Phannana took exception to this, grabbed the pistol in his waistband and you know what happened then.

The writers at the Phuket Gazette have a pretty good mastery of American colloquial English, which is sometimes stranger than it is helpful. You have to wonder what the original Thai for "blew his penis to smithereens" might be.

This item from last month really made my eyes water.

"A man was admitted to Bua Yai Hospital on June 7 with complaints of abdominal pains, which he said were caused by a leech that crawled up inside his anus while he was trying to catch fish for his wife's dinner."

They have yet to find the leech, incidentally. Nong Chingpho's advice? "I want to warn anyone who goes swimming to wear tight-fitting underpants as a leech could crawl into your bottom or genitals and you'll end up with the same problem as me." Words to live by.

I might never swim, eat fish, take off my underpants or watch Amazon Queen again.


Please validate my fragile sense of self-worth and visit my humble moronblog.

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posted by xgenghisx at 02:18 PM

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