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July 27, 2007

Lindsey Lohan Has Perfect Defense For Drunk-Driving Charge: A Brown Person Was Driving

The two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, "I wasn't driving. The black kid was driving."

Not a cop or judge in America who isn't nodding knowingly at that.

Happens all the fuckin' time. The other day my car happened to be pulled over as it slowed down beside a four-hundred-pound Samoan tranny hooker, and as I dangled a $10 bill out the window, I realized there was a brown person at the wheel of my car and working my arm like I was a frickin' Eddie Murphy Marionette.

Actually, come to think of it, that brown person was Eddie Murphy. I remember we were having an argument over whether he owed me ten dollars back for Pluto Nash (not that I paid to see it, but I figured my time was at least worth that much), and somehow the next thing I'm danging a Hamilton in front of a Sumo wrestler in a Carrol Channing wig with a big white ass the size of Michael Moore's secret emergency-Gorditos vault.

To make matters worse Marion Barry was in the back seat injecting me with a solution of crack and embezzlement.

Via Rachel Lucas. Speaking of Michael Moore, he just got subpoenaed for his illegal Cuba visit, at the Lucas link.

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posted by Ace at 05:42 PM

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