A Brief Conversation With A Soldier On The Front Lines of Freedom

To: Glenn Greenwald (GGreenwald@salon.com)

From: Ace of Spades

Thank you for your heroic service, Sir

...in Afghanistan, where you and your fellow lefties claim you're all gung-ho to fight. I know you must already be deployed there, as you accuse anyone who supports the war in Iraq of being a "chickenhawk;" hence, one can only presume that you, allegedly a supporter of taking the fight right into Waziristan, must already be deployed right on the border, ready to storm in at a moment's notice.

How's the internet connection in Kabul, Glenn? Spotty, I hear. You must have one of those cool SEAL satellite uplinks to be able to churn out your drearily verbose screeds every day with no apparent connection difficulties.

I really want you to know that we on the home front -- who do not possess, alas, your great courage and physical prowess -- appreciate all the Taliban you're killing in your never-ending quest to finally get Osama bin Ladin.

PS, how come none of your sockpuppets ever mentioned how many confirmed kills of Al Qaeda you had? Is it top-secret? Probably, I guess. I guess that's the trouble with being a Special Forces commando like you -- you take the most dangerous missions, but you're never able to tell the world of your incredible heroism.

No matter -- I'll do it for you! Heroes like you are usually too modest to sing their own praises (even through a sockpuppet), but be aware that I intend to document your patriotic AQ-killin' service in Afghanistan. Check my site later for a tribute to you, Max Blumenthal, and the rest of the secret liberal SuperSoldiers! I will not allow your heroism to pass unnoticed!

Glenn's brief response after the jump.

To: Ace of Spades

From: Glenn Greenwald

Try concentrating really hard and I'm confident you can understand the points here - actually "confident" is an overstatement. "Hopeful" is more accurate.

http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/2006/07/what-makes-someone-chicken-hawk.html

http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/2007/01/attention-war-supporters-your-country.html

Those links, I imagine, lead to posts where, when one cuts through his dreary, pompous, verbose prose, construct a convoluted re-definition of "chickenhawk" contrived specifically to exclude himself and anyone else on the left from that charge -- no matter how much they roo-rah the Great Overmountain Invasion of Pakistan.

But why he bothers with such a carefully-contrived definition is beyond me-- after all, he's over there, "in the shit" if you will (I hope "values voters" are not upset with that military vulgarity), so he has nothing to be defensive about.

My next response:

To: Glenn Greenwald

From: Ace of Spades

I imagine you were only able to dash off a couple of links because incoming artillery is rocking your position.

Please, Brave Sir Soldier, do take cover! I'm not important enough to respond to when you're under Taliban assault!

PS, can you at least hint as to what branch/unit you're in, and which part of Pakistan? I realize the rules of operational security prevent you from being specific, but surely you can be vague enough to satisfy the oath you took when you signed up.

I just want to be accurate in my article about your amazing career as a covert warrior.

I notice he didn't even bothering objecting to the sockpuppet mention. It seems he's given up even denying that one with stories of a Magic Cabana Boy commandeering his computer even as he's using it to defend the good name of Capt. Glenn Greenwald, Omega Force Warrior.

posted by Ace at 07:16 PM

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