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June 17, 2007

Chris Matthews: "This country was built on biased reporting"

A paean to the Good Old Days when clearly left-wing cranks like Walter Cronkite could propagandize and get away with it.

And here's a link that was sent to me, by the site owner/author, I think, but I'm not sure.

Is this legit? Or is this similar to Don Novello's famous "Lazlo letters"? I think they're the latter, but I'm only 90% on that. Either way, they're kind of funny.

You know, if you really want to unnerve some celebrity doucheweasel you hate, don't send them hate mail. Send them a letter like these. They're twice as creepy and there's no chance of prosecution!

DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

You are not going to believe this, but the other day, it was raining cats and dogs here in Crestline, CA. I had to go to the post office to get my mail. Suddenly, your clone appeared before me. I thought it was an apparition.

The guy was your height and weight with blond hair. He was wearing a black trench coat that must have weighed at least 25 pounds, came to his ankles. Now, I have seen some trench coats in my day, but never anything like this one! As I stood next to this enormous man, I felt like a little weasel. I touched the coat, asking about the material from which it was made. He explained that it was some sort of fabric that had been impregnated with oil. He told me that it is the coat whalers use in the Antarctic. For all the world, he looked like Darth Vader. As we chatted, he kept fiddling with the metal hooks, trying to get them to connect.

I told him that, like you, he looked very menacing. He denied the charge.

Christopher, I think it is just wonderful to have one of "our golden boy" up here in the mountains of Southern California, but "don't spread yourself too thin."

CLONING!! What hath man wrought?

Tink

...

LETTER TO ANDREW LACK OF NBC REGARDING CHRISTOPHER MATTHEWS

DEAR MR. LACK -

Last week, Christopher appeared on HARDBALL with the collar of his shirt standing away from the shirt, itself. This happened two nights in a row. Of course, the viewing audience was simply aghast.

Quite frankly, I am amazed that Mrs. Matthews would allow "our golden boy" to leave the house "looking like that."

It is now abundantly clear to me: Christopher needs a P. A. (personal assistant) to take care of "the little things," thereby freeing him up to handle world affairs. It is even more clear that Mrs. Matthews has neither the time nor inclination to deal with such matters because of her own career in broadcasting.

I would like to apply for the job. For a measly $300,000.00 a year (which is what I was making before GE "screwed" the hell out of me), I am willing to "come back there" and take on the responsibility. Why, under my tutelage, Christopher will have "the chicks and babes" (to use his terms) swooning all over him. My references and credentials are impeccable. You may view my resume, in part, by going to www.edwardbaskett.com.

Why don't we "give it a whirl?" You can't tell what 6 months might do.

With kindest regards,

Edward Eugene Baskett
"I take BIG, and I spend BIG!"
Aimee Semple McPherson

...

I AM SO HAPPY!!

DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

I am so happy that you are back safely from your trip to South Africa. I am sure your many viewers missed you, as I did.

I hasten to point out, I was on the verge of contacting Andrew Lack over at NBC and telling him to "fill your shoes" with James Cramer of "America Now. He, like you, looks like a big, healthy baby with beady little eyes. Too cute!!

While not as dignified and refined as you, James is colorful and fiery in his own right. The nice thing about James is, he doesn't have hair for me to "worry myself to death about."

Anyway, you are back, and your job is secure. Remember me to Andrew the next time you see him. Give him my kindest regards.

Cordially,

EDWARD EUGENE BASKETT

More odd letters to Chris Matthews at his website. He seems to have compiled these into a book.

I love the "quotes." For some reason, "quotation marks" are and always will be the "funniest" sort of "punctuation." Mis-using "quotes" elicits a smile in ways that, for example, mis-using "commas" or "colons" doesn't.






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