How Come Zombies Don't Retain Their Sex-Drive?

Allah and I are currently debating this very-important question.

If zombies maintain their feeding instinct (though it's not quite clear they actually derive nourishment from eating, being dead and without conventional metabolism), and even retain some learned behavior (e.g., the habits of mall-centered consumerism, as seen in the original Dawn of the Dead), why don't they retain an instinct to have sex?

Even if that instinct is all screwed up, as zombie brain functions usually are. Like, why don't we ever see a zombie attempting to dry hump a Dodge Stratus, having the vegstige of the sexual instinct, but not enough brainpower to identify a viable mate?

Consensus: Because the idea of zombies gang-raping the living is just too nasty even for the nastiest purveyor of grindhouse fare. And it's an immediate X-rating to boot.

Allah guesses the zombification process just strips away most, but not all, instincts, so that feeding is one of the few retained and sexuality just disappers with almost everything else. I'm guessing part of it is just to differentiate them from their better-groomed cousins, vampires.

What brought this up? Well, this disturbing Europop video of a zombie pervert watching a zombie stripper in a peep-show. Content warning: It's really macabre, worse than, say, your typical macabre-expressionist Marilyn Manson video. It's not the peep-show dancing that's offensive, really -- it's the nasty, black-blood oozing look of the zombie stripper. And, I guess, the blending of that horrior with sexuality.

So here's your Thantos/Eros Europop sick vid of the day.

Just Remembered: That great early-nineties SNL sketch-- "Attack of the Masturbating Zombies." "Oh my god-- we're surrounded by zombies! And they're all-- masturbating! Ewwwww!!!"

Wish I could link that.

Why I Can't: People on the Internet seem to be saying that "Attack of the Masturbating Zombies" was deemed so offensive it cost NBC millions in advertising pull-outs and they've never re-aired it.

Conan O'Brien wrote the sketch.

posted by Ace at 07:27 PM

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