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February 07, 2007

Revealed! The Secret Important Action Alerts of MyDD's Chris Bowers

I heard Chris Bowers is preparing a vicious rant and an important action alert if that stupid robot tape recorder appears in the Transformers movie.

I also heard Chris Bowers is preparing a vicious rant and an important action alert if McDonald's doesn't bring back the McRib Sandwich -- posthaste.

As we all know politics -- nay, nearly the entire scope of human endeavor -- is animated primarily by Chris Bowers' vicious rants and important action alerts, please let me know if you've heard similar rumors.

I need to plan for the upcoming weeks and/or decades.

Judd's dashed off a couple of his own Important Action Alerts, to good effect:

Hey, just threatened my wife with an important action alert (IAA)...Boom, guess who's getting laid tonight?

I told my boss that he better give me a raise or I would be issueing an important action alert....Boom, 20K more a year. That shit works, bitches.

BumperStickerist has looked into Chris Bowers' Important Action Alert Secret Files:

1. By threatening a vicious rant and important action alert Chris Bowers was able to have his Papa Johns pizza delivered five minutes earlier than promised.

2. By threatening a vicious rant and important action alert was able to gain the attention of the waitress, who then brought Chris his check.

3. By threatening a vicious rant and important action alert, Chris Bowers convinced his large intestine to let go of that impacted stool, saving himself the cost of a Fleet enema and a six pack of beer as a courtesy payment to Jerome Armstrong.

I heard that Adolf Hitler was prepared to fight to the last man in the last bunker... until, ba-zing, and Important Action Alert from Chris Bowers was handed to him, along with a pistol, two bullets, and a short missive from Eli Wiesel reading, simply, "Scoreboard."

Just Got... An email from an occasional tipster, "Ozymandias." He's a bit egotistical, but hear him out:

"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings!

Look upon my works, Ye Mighty, and despair!

I know this crap looks pretty busted-up right now

But I've got a vicious rant and an Important Action Alert lined up,

and believe you me, Chief,

I'm going to have this shit straightened out by Wednesday,

if not sooner. My brother knows a really good landscaper."

Update: Many leftwingers say the Salon report about Marcotte's and McEwan's firing cannot be confirmed. This does seem to be the case, as a source tells me the MSM is becoming annoyed by the Edwards' campaign failure to definitively answer questions. He writes:

You may report that your sources in the Beltway media establishment are getting pretty f#$%ing tired of waiting for the patriarchy at the John Edwards campaign to issue a statement making the oppression of Amanda Marcotte and Melissa McEwan an official matter of public record.

Nearly 7 hours after the Salon report, and still no confirmation.

If Edwards can be frozen into inaction by the threat of a Chris Bowers Important Action Alert (TM), is Edwards really ready to be Leader of the Free F#%&ing World?

Snark aside, that's a good point: The Shiny Pony wants us to believe he can stare down Ahmadinejad, and he can't even manage to handle Amanda Friggin' Marcotte?

More: Chris Bowers Puts The "MyDD Primary" On The Line! An incredibly important threat:

I've been spending all day working behind the scenes on this, and I will continue to do so this evening. With 100 comments in the first open thread about this subject, here is a new one.

I also wish to make something else clear. While there is no way I will support Edwards with Amanda and Melissa are fired, I will immediately become a staunch Edwards supporter if they are not fired.

Now, I had to check: MyDD, living large on Kos and Atrios links, manages 24,000 uniques a day, whereas I manage about 20,000.

So... Look, I didn't know this, but apparently I'm entitled, pretty much, to issue Important Action Alerts and threaten candidates with a withholding of support myself.

Which means, of course, I'm going to start doing so. A lot. Pretty much every damn blog post from now on will be an Important Action Alert of some sort, and I am going to threaten to withhold the coveted Ace of Spades HQ endorsement from everyone in the field unless they start sending me some money.

Not Marcotte-money, either. I want Instapundit money.


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posted by Ace at 07:49 PM

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