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January 25, 2007

I Can't Believe I'm Linking This Crap

I have no shame.

I don't even care about this skanky Scandi.

So, supposedly (and who knows what's going on here -- we've got the manipulative, attention-craving Paris Hilton and a shady Internet website here), Paris Hilton failed to pay a $208 storage fee when she was swapping out mansions. (The old one's ashtrays were full.)

So the company auctioned off the crap she had in there.

Because of an unpaid $208 bill.

Is anyone buying this?

I'm not.

And then this website thing claims it managed to get a hold of every damn thing in the storage unit, so it could "digitize" it all and make it available to the public.

Buying that? Okay, me neither.

PopSugar has the teaser video from the site. If you click on it, the video will begin playing, and you'll see a lot of Paris Hilton nudity, sex, drug use, and bragging about taking it "Wonkette style."

Content warning. Also an intellect and spirit warning. I'm stupider and less human for watching this 40 seconds of crap. Link Corrected.


Dear Paris Hilton,

Please keep it in your pants, and furthermore, please remove your pants and the contents therein to the sixth moon of Neptune.

You're not hot. I look at you and see a walking petri dish for a new mutant strain of venereal disease, a mutate combining the worst parts of the herpes, hanta and ebola viruses. I full-blown level-5 hot zone for one's privates.

And also -- seriously -- a powerful tranny vibe, too.

It's a kind of sexual early warning light that won't stop blinking.

I'm not 100% certain that you have herpes, and I don't know for the fact you've had some pieces swapped out for aftermarket parts intended for an entirely different chassis. But I'll go with my gut.

You know that everyone knows they could see your sex tapes after only thirty seconds of Googling, and yet most of us haven't bothered? Why do you think that is?

That damn light that just won't stop blinking.

Please, please. Just go away.

Suck the barbed cock of Satan,

Ace


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posted by Ace at 01:16 PM

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