Feds Start Dragnet For Nefarious Online Poker Pushers | Main | Somali Islamist Leader Surrenders To Kenyans
January 22, 2007

How To Be Annoying In First Class

A PennStateMarine sent this. Pretty funny stuff. He suggests it as a jumping off point for a new Steven Segal type thread.

So: Fun Things To Do In First Class

Refer to the flight attendants as "waitress", even the male ones

Talk to yourself loudly about the dangers of Global Warming. Finish by asking, "Does this thing go any faster?"

Without provocation, insist the flight crew guard against any of "those people back there" from using "our" restroom

While sitting on the First Class toilet with your trousers at your feet, open the door, tap your champagne class on the door frame and ask for a refill

More after the jump.

Loudly acknowledge that while Whaling is a distasteful practice, it's worth it for the caviar. Make odd references to the TV series M*A*S*H when people try to explain what a sturgeon is

Facing the rear of the plane, recite the entire transcript of Paul Anka's "The Guys Get Shirts" rant. Replace the word "guys" with "you people"

Tell a flight attendant "polyester makes you look fat"

Strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers about your favorite movies. Loudly proclaim at least three times that you sometimes see films at theaters "where black people go". This works especially well if you are yourself black.

Inform a female flight attendant that if you were a girl, you'd be a Lesbian. Tell her that's not as bad as the "dirty stuff gay guys do"

Start your own game of Dirty Thumper. At some point, be sure to repeatedly slap you hands against the tray table singing, "We are row number two, number two, number two. We are row number two. Where the hell is number five?!"

Check all your luggage. Carry-on nothing but a Boom Box. Be sure you have the soundtrack from the Miami Vice TV series

Take out a bottle of Tommy Bahama cologne. Offer some to your fellow passengers as you would a breath mint.

Use the phrase, "that's what she said" as much as possible.

Nudge a passenger and wink saying, "glad to see there aren't too many 'Huxtables' in First Class today"

digg this
posted by Ace at 02:27 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Warai-otoko: "470 we should simply have a two tier prison system ..."

thathalfrican - the calm before the storm: "Precisely logprof. You're better for it but you fe ..."

Doctor what has seen things: " whatever happen to Badfinger ? Posted by: sofa ..."

IllTemperedCur: " Heh Tomi Lahren found a real nutbar in West Holl ..."

JoeF.: "What? Are we going to re-fight 19th Century immigr ..."

Sandra F.: "[i] Not being able to bottom out a cinder block d ..."

logprof: " I appreciate Hannity because he's like a right of ..."

ScoggDog: "[i]Not to offend 'ettes but I had a friend who sai ..."

thathalfrican - the calm before the storm: "Not being able to bottom out a cinder block doesn' ..."

ScoggDog: "... and Coulter is a - surprise - Zero on the One ..."

Deplorable Ian Galt: "474 What did Tomi find? Posted by: thathalfric ..."

JoeF.: "Not to offend 'ettes but I had a friend who said t ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64