How To Be Annoying In First Class

A PennStateMarine sent this. Pretty funny stuff. He suggests it as a jumping off point for a new Steven Segal type thread.

So: Fun Things To Do In First Class

Refer to the flight attendants as "waitress", even the male ones

Talk to yourself loudly about the dangers of Global Warming. Finish by asking, "Does this thing go any faster?"

Without provocation, insist the flight crew guard against any of "those people back there" from using "our" restroom

While sitting on the First Class toilet with your trousers at your feet, open the door, tap your champagne class on the door frame and ask for a refill

More after the jump.

Loudly acknowledge that while Whaling is a distasteful practice, it's worth it for the caviar. Make odd references to the TV series M*A*S*H when people try to explain what a sturgeon is

Facing the rear of the plane, recite the entire transcript of Paul Anka's "The Guys Get Shirts" rant. Replace the word "guys" with "you people"

Tell a flight attendant "polyester makes you look fat"

Strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers about your favorite movies. Loudly proclaim at least three times that you sometimes see films at theaters "where black people go". This works especially well if you are yourself black.

Inform a female flight attendant that if you were a girl, you'd be a Lesbian. Tell her that's not as bad as the "dirty stuff gay guys do"

Start your own game of Dirty Thumper. At some point, be sure to repeatedly slap you hands against the tray table singing, "We are row number two, number two, number two. We are row number two. Where the hell is number five?!"

Check all your luggage. Carry-on nothing but a Boom Box. Be sure you have the soundtrack from the Miami Vice TV series

Take out a bottle of Tommy Bahama cologne. Offer some to your fellow passengers as you would a breath mint.

Use the phrase, "that's what she said" as much as possible.

Nudge a passenger and wink saying, "glad to see there aren't too many 'Huxtables' in First Class today"

posted by Ace at 02:27 PM

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