Sponsored Content
« It's Not Just T-Bogg: It's Most of the Lefty Blogs | Main | Miami C-4: False Positive Or Not? »
January 08, 2007

David Caruso Is A God

...because he gets away with being a complete hamdouche week after week.

He has the stupidest lines in TV. He's remade the CSI franchise into a Heroic Cult of Personality centerered around him. He has four acting moves -- look down at the floor then suddenly look up to cow a malefactor with his powerful blue glare, don/doff his sunglasses, backpedal out of frame (the frame cannot contain David Caruso's electric presence!), and put his hands on his hips in a "look at my package" manner -- and yet this stupid show is the most popular TV show in the world.

Our enlightened European betters and all that.

I just had to post this, because I just saw the worst CSI: Miami ever, and I'm a connosieur of this particular crap.

Caruso heroically got a hate-crimes case against a man already on the hook for capital murder. The DA asks, "Isn't the hate crimes case overkill?"

Caruso looks down at his feet, sunglasses off. "Doesn't hate concern you?" he asks the DA, burning with quiet righteousness.

"Of course it does," she answers.

"Good," he says, and then inevitably puts on the sunglasses and looks up. "Because hate should concern us all."

He actually said that. Next week he's going to come out against Naziism.

Then the camera went to a heroic overhead shot, then craned down to look forward at him as he pages heroically through the evidence he's collected as a heroically-jangly U2-esque guitar plays.

This scene actually made me cover my mouth out of true, visceral embarassment and begin saying "Holy shit, holy shit" to myself.

I'm telling you -- it's the best show on television. It's so monstrously bad it's brilliant. The Office, even the BBC version, cannot even touch it in terms of cringe-inducing squirmy embarassment.

digg this
posted by Ace at 04:54 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Bamanarama: "The DC swamp is basically impenetrable right now, ..."

Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead!: "371 the vibe I'm getting is he doesn't seem to be ..."

Elric Blade: "I'm getting bored with the Trump vs DeathSantis sh ..."

Bulgaroctonus : "Is Archimedes the new Joe XiDen? ..."

wth: "FBI director Christopher Wray offers to let James ..."

trev006: "Going back to pre-industrial times is the WEF wet ..."

Duke Lowell : "Well, I’m off to the nursery to get herbs fo ..."

SMOD: "Anheuser-Busch Stock Enters Bear Territory Amid An ..."

Maj. Healey: "Megyn Kelly Slams ‘Chicken’ DeSantis f ..."

Barnacle Bill the sailor: "Trump is a compromise/coalition candidate. The iss ..."

... : "I'm gonna start pretending that the only Republica ..."

[/i][/b]andycanuck (Vwz3I)[/s][/u]: "the vibe I'm getting is he doesn't seem to be appr ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64