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November 17, 2006

"Irritating Whispers of Hernandez"

Funny stuff for video game dorks over at the Pointless Waste of Time forums. Reader Camerhil lectures the untutored on how to name your new video game:(NSFW)

Deliberately misspell the name in order to make it edgy. Say you've made a game about a resurrected female zombie cop with a cybernetic vagina, which your art team has lovingly bump-mapped using one hand. You think Phoenix is a pretty cool title, but it lacks sass. However, change the name to Feenix, and it suddenly sounds like the name of a sexy zombie detective inspector whose twin powers are face-eating and love...If your game is a FPS, consider making the name an unnecessary acronym. F.E.E.N.I.X. is not just one rotting woman with cyborg genitals; it's now a crack underground government task force of rotting women known, somewhat incongruously, both for their iron discipline and total disregard for the chain of command.

You bet your ass I'd buy that.

Forum denizen Haimoimoi then offers up a prospective title:

Blackface Heroes 5: The Hatefurnace of My Endless Sorrowblade

He notes that it's "basically Super Mario Brothers".

Personally, I'd like to see some games that reflect our present societal situation a bit better. Screw The Sims; I want Absent Father: The Welfare Scam Chronicles. You play as Todd, a middle-aged man who reunites with his bastard son in an attempt to claim him as a dependent so he can get Section 8 housing. Earn points for terrorizing the mother's new boyfriend and showing up unannounced and drunk at your kid's first Little League game! Open up a brave new world of antisocial behavior with the Spousal Abuse Expansion Pack!

Or how about Star Wars Battlefront 3: The Democrats Take Congress. You lead a crack Jedi assault team against Cloud City, where left-wing dictator Handout Calrissian runs a socialist utopia with the help of his equality-enforcement droid, NAAC-3PO.

It's Friday, so while you're at PWOT make sure to click on the Spam Subject Line Museum, which is always NSFW and always worth it.

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posted by AndrewR at 07:49 AM

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