Memo to Andrew Sullivan: Here are the Foaming at the Mouth Caesarists you want [Jack M.]

And wouldn't you know it? Like St. Andrew, they are British too.

Must be an English thing.

Anyway...I think I found out how St. Andi of the Blessed Monthly Bleeding Heartache came up with his clever "insult" the other day.

He was probably familiar with this story: "How two Roman Soldiers "did battle" in Bath House."

It isn't what you think though. Trust me.

A DISPUTE between two “Roman soldiers� in a 1st century bath house ended up in court when one man accused his rival of threatening to kill him with a replica helmet.

Remember, it isn't what you morons think.

Keith Mulhearn, who is fond of dressing up as a legionnaire called Maximus Gluteus, was forced to defend his reputation after it was claimed that he had run amok in a quiet York museum.

Yeah, yeah. Maximus Gluteus. It still isn't what you jokers think.

Mr Mulhearn, 40, the former curator of the city’s Roman Bath Museum, lost his temper with his successor, Graham Harris, because he believed that Mr Harris, 58, had stolen some of his replica Roman artefacts, York Crown Court was told.

He was said to have marched into the museum and aggressively brushed aside Mr Harris’s daughter before shouting: “I’m going to kill you� as he confronted her father, who was dressed as a Roman soldier.

See. It's just two museum curators who enjoy roleplaying in a 1st centure Bath House involved in a little, what would the English say?, tiff about replica Roman artefacts.

In addition to having been the museum curator for three years until he was succeeded by Mr Harris, Mr Mulhearn also ran an organisation called Lost Legion, a group of enthusiasts who re-enact battles from the Roman era.

Much of the group’s equipment had been purchased by Mr Mulhearn and was held at the museum, York Crown Court heard.

He believed that some of it had been stolen by Mr Harris, who runs a rival re-enactment group called the Sixth Legion, and he was detemined to reclaim his rightful property.

Really. There is nothing more competitive than the world of Roman Re-enactment. If you don't believe me, ask bbeck. I hear she hangs with these types on her weekends.

Mr Mulhearn said that he had not shouted or assaulted anyone. He had merely gone to the museum to retrieve property which belonged to him, including Roman coins, a replica tunic and the replica sword.

“I picked up the two helmets to inspect them. They weren’t mine and I noticed the sword and that was mine. I took it and left. I didn’t say I was going to kill anyone,� he said.

The jury took an hour to find Mr Mulhearn not guilty on all charges.

Yeah? Well here's one charge this jury finds you guilty of, Maximus Gluteus: foaming at the mouth caesarism.

Which, all things considered, I bet Sullivan has a much deeper appreciation for now.

UPDATE: Yes, Michael. This means I broke your picket line. I'm not in this for the money or the perks. I'm in it to entertain the people! And to be fakey internet friends with LauraW and Ace. And, most importantly, to advance my pursuit of the world's most perfect woman one post at a time! So take your Sally Field wanna be Norma Rae ass and unionize some other blog. And while you're at it, get me a juice box, juice box.

posted by Ace at 03:11 AM

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