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September 05, 2006

More Katie Couric News

Forget Rathergate-the biggest news from CBS today is that Phase Two in "Operation Planned Obsolescence" is about to begin.

We all know, of course, that Katie Couric has been tapped to be the new face of their evening newscast. Certain other changes, however, have been less widely reported.

That means a NSFW joke or two for you after the jump.

Other Changes to the CBS Evening News:

-CBS eye logo to be replaced with new design containing "more ponies than you can friggin' believe"

-Newsdesk to be rebuilt; new model will include a sink in case Katie needs to wash her hair

-In an attempt to add a softer, more feminine touch to the broadcast, Couric will be surrounded by a bunch of talking animatronic teddy bears wearing Monistat t-shirts

-Using the word "menopause" will now be considered a firing offense at CBS

-The traditional anchor's chair to be replaced by a golden litter, hoisted atop a team of eunuchs led by Bob Schieffer

-Couric to challenge conventional stereotypes of women in the media by growing a moustache

-A shift away from hard news to more personalized "lifestyle" pieces is planned: In the first such segment, Couric asks Deepak Chopra to interpret a dream in which she fellates a leprechaun

And the final change:

-Unicorns! Unicorns! Unicorns!

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posted by AndrewR at 04:40 PM

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