Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support
Moron Meet-Ups
Listen up Colorado Morons: Saturday May 5th: Cinco de Quattro Colorado Morondezvous. Email:
acewestminsterdogshow at the gmail for details.
Biggest Oil Field Since Alaska Found In Gulf (Hopefully) | Main | Repost: Lovin' Animals, Hatin' Humans
September 05, 2006

More Katie Couric News

Forget Rathergate-the biggest news from CBS today is that Phase Two in "Operation Planned Obsolescence" is about to begin.

We all know, of course, that Katie Couric has been tapped to be the new face of their evening newscast. Certain other changes, however, have been less widely reported.

That means a NSFW joke or two for you after the jump.


Other Changes to the CBS Evening News:

-CBS eye logo to be replaced with new design containing "more ponies than you can friggin' believe"

-Newsdesk to be rebuilt; new model will include a sink in case Katie needs to wash her hair

-In an attempt to add a softer, more feminine touch to the broadcast, Couric will be surrounded by a bunch of talking animatronic teddy bears wearing Monistat t-shirts

-Using the word "menopause" will now be considered a firing offense at CBS

-The traditional anchor's chair to be replaced by a golden litter, hoisted atop a team of eunuchs led by Bob Schieffer

-Couric to challenge conventional stereotypes of women in the media by growing a moustache

-A shift away from hard news to more personalized "lifestyle" pieces is planned: In the first such segment, Couric asks Deepak Chopra to interpret a dream in which she fellates a leprechaun

And the final change:

-Unicorns! Unicorns! Unicorns!

digg this
posted by AndrewR at 04:40 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Quint: "Texans, under the war cry "Remember the Alamo!" ..."

goon: "The Fresno State professor is so fat that I have t ..."

RI Red: "This EMT needs fluffier pillows. Posted by: kra ..."

sinalco: "Morning. Need coffee. ..."

Gary Johnson: ">>>Texans, under the war cry "Remember the Alamo!" ..."

Dirks Strewn: "'This EMT needs fluffier pillows.' Those aren't ..."

Hadrian the Seventh: " Woke up this morning to the sound of screaming d ..."

Nevergiveup: "Morning all. Great Navy Day down here in Mississi ..."

JTB: "Krakatoa, Thanks for the usual early Saturday morn ..."

[/i] [/u] [/s] [/b]An Observation: "[i]The whole point of a police force was that is w ..."

Pete Seria: "Aaron Rogers now part owner of the MKE Bucks. Nic ..."

CrotchetyOldJarhead: "188>> *Fistbump* It's the life or golf season, a ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64