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ZombieTime Makes FoxNews; German TV Debunks Claims of Israeli Chem Weapons | Main | Nagin: WTC "A Hole In The Ground"
August 25, 2006

Study: Polar Bear Genitals Are Shrinking

Kodiaks, on the other hand, are doin' just fine.

Who are these people who have become scientists in order to go out into the field and weigh bears' balls?

The icecap may not be the only thing shrinking in the Arctic. The genitals of polar bears in east Greenland are apparently dwindling in size due to industrial pollutants.

Scientists report this shrinkage could, in the worst case scenario, endanger polar bears there and elsewhere by spoiling their love lives and causing their numbers to peter out.

Many male polar bears were observed avoiding aggressive courting rituals, prefering to try to be "friends" with a female for three or four years before attempting to mount her and the awkwardly explaining, "I'm sorry, I thought you were giving me a signal."

...

The researchers experienced harrowing times on their expeditions with dog sleds into the wilds of Greenland to study polar bears.

"One evening a bear came just next to us in the night when we were doing the toilette," Sonne recalled. "They shot and it ran." Another time, "we almost had to eat the dogs as we ran out of food and seals. It was cold sleeping in -50 degrees C [-58 Fahrenheit] in five weeks with no heater."

For their courage, they advanced the discipline of science. So here now is the answer to the the question you've all been asking yourselves since the headline:

The adult polar bear testicles the researchers examined were on average roughly three inches across and 1.8 ounces in weight, although they could dramatically enlarge during the height of sexual activity from January to July. Their bacula, or penis bones, were on average nearly seven inches long.

Good news-- many of you, or your husbands/boyfriends, are hung like polar bears, if not better. There's a little opening gambit for you all at your next cocktail party.

Thanks to CraigC.


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posted by Ace at 12:49 AM

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