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August 20, 2006
MSM On Snakes On A Plane DisappointmentSorry for all the SOAP stuff; this should just about be the last of such posts. "Snakes On a Plane" Fails to Charm, runs the hed. So much for the Internet hype. Really? You think? Let me write that down. "Compelling... premise... or... story... to get... an audience." Hm. Well, it sounds crazy, but it never hurts to get a fresh take, no matter how counterintuitive and "out there." Senior New Line executives were not available for comment. Not a good sign. The project had been in development since 1999, going through several studios, rewrites and directors. It became a cause celebre last year when Jackson publicly assailed New Line for changing the title to the nebulous "Pacific Air 121." Sigh. This is the sort of crap the Ain't It Cool News morons are always pushing -- more tits, more graphic violence. I think I've established my bona fides as being tit and graphic violence friendly, but these morons are just kneejerk geekwads who never stop bleating, "Make it more exxxxxtreme! More gore! More knockers! Now that's storytelling! Exxxxtreme storytelling!" Uh, yeah, whatever. If that was the key to box office success, Friday the 13th Part X: Jason Takes Manhattan would be aheaad of Return of the Jedi on the all-time box office list. Why the hell do they listen to these morons? Has anyone seen Arachnaphobia? This movie was terrifying (despite having no "brown people" in the cast), and it was well-made, and it was funny. Even the character development was interesting, a completely unexpected bonus in a movie about a maurauding army of hybrid Warrior Spiders. And yet-- the violence in it was pretty much limited to spider-squashing. (Not completely, but pretty much.) Really, I don't mean to go all cliche on everyone, but while graphic violence has its uses, it's really the anticipation of violence that gets people in the sense of manipulating emotions. The actual graphic violence elicits a wince by most and an emotionally-disengaged cry of "Yeah Boy, dat was exxxxxtreme!" from fourteen year old retards. I remember reading Ain't It Cool News' gushing, ecstatic preview-review of Rollerball remake. Now, if you've seen this movie, you know it's one of the most inept films of all time, easily in top fifty worst (major release) films in Hollywood history. For reasons unfathomable, there's a six minute chase sequence shot entirely in night-vision film (or made to look that way). And for reasons even more unfathomable, it stars Chris Klein as the Toughest Meanest Kill-Crazy Athlete In the World. And the reviewer's main reason for giving it such a glowing review? It had Rebecca Romaijn's tits and a lot of gore. Look, if I do the Ace of Spades Lifestyle (TM) schtick, I'll say "YEAH!!! BEST MOVIE EVER!!!" about Rollerball too, but, you know, unlike Knowles and crew, I'm joking around. They say that "nobody knows anything in Hollywood," but there is one group who knows less than nothing, and that's the Ain't It Cool jagoffs and the internet geeks in general. Basically, Snakes On A Plane was juiced up with nudity and violence to satisfy a demographic -- fourteen year old boys -- who may see the movie, but they can't actually buy tickets for it, so their ticket sales go not to SOAP's tally but to some random PG movie that just happened to be playing at the same time. To quote Otter from Delta House: Hollywood, you fucked up. You trusted us. | Recent Comments
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The Cafe with No Name
Black Female Member of Parliament Is Discovered to be an Anti-Minority Racist By Noting that "Not All Cultures Are Equal" and Saying That She Wants the UK to Embrace Western Values, Not the Third-World Values of the Country She Fled Elon Musk is Trying to Provide Aid to Stricken Areas of North Carolina But Biden's Evil Government Is Blocking Him Hollywood Hubris: Megaflopolis à Deux Newsweek Discovers a New Pathology on the Right: Right-Leaning Men Have a "New Obsession," and It's Hot Girls With Nice Bodies and Conventional Good Looks! MSNBC Producer: Our Programming Is Indistinguishable From the Democrat Party; We Are Doing All We Can to Help Kamala Win; Our Audience Screams At Us If We Criticize Democrats, So Network Forbids Doing So Joe Biden Calls His Friends in the Mob and Has the Longshoreman Delay -- Not Call Off, Delay -- Their Strike Until After the Election THE MORNING RANT: Democrats & Media, Who Keep Advising There Will Not Be a Winner Announced on Election Night, Oppose Georgia Ballot Integrity Measure Because It Will Delay Election Results Mid-Morning Art Thread The Morning Report — 10/4/24 Search
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