John F'n Kerry: I Would Have Imposed Peace On The Middle East Through The Blue Glare of My Ice-Gorgeous Eyes

Uh-huhhhh...

"If I was president, this wouldn't have happened," said Kerry during a noon stop at Honest John's bar and grill in Detroit's Cass Corridor.

Of course, my headline is a pale imitation of Bryan's from Hot Air, Kerry: I Can Control The Wind And The Waves And Iran's Terrorists.

He has a breakthrough new plan for resolving the 50 year old war, occasionally punctuated by brief outbreaks of peace, in the Middle East.

One word: Pudding.

No, wait, that's just something he likes to dip his balls in.

One word: Diplomacy.

I think I'm going to use this miracle solution "diplomacy" to try to get out of paying my rent this month.

I mean, we come at this from entirey different points of views with entirely irreconcilable agendas-- they want their money; I don't want to pay it; they want their apartment kept in a more or less pristine state; I want to sell off the oven, refrigerator, and doorknobs for crack -- but I'm sure through the magic process of diplomacy we can bridge our differences with pathways of understanding in gazeebos of harmony festooned by daffodils of peace and primroses of respect and, you know, other gaywad shit of this nature.

posted by Ace at 03:28 PM

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