Sponsored Content

Intermarkets' Privacy Policy

Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!

Recent Entries
Absent Friends
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

Possible Suspect in "Broad Spectrum of Society" Train-Bombing | Main | Wall Street Rumor: Castro Dead
July 11, 2006

How To Be A 9/11 Conspriacy Theorist

From Wuzzadem.

Crazy-Related: You know that crazy game I wrote about yesterday? Shawn, but not lowercase shawn, tracked down a review of it. I think it was the review I read.

The game is called F.A.T.A.L. Some red flags right there.

I forgot a couple of things. First, it's obsessed with rape, and many of the rules seem rape-related. Like, the reason you have to know your "fist circumference" is so you know what you need to roll in order to successfully, um, you know.

It's also racist. It includes "Armor of Jewy Jebacca," which makes your nose twice as large as normal, shrinks your "manhood," and makes you hairy. There's also "funny" armor that makes you dumb and lazy like a black person, or slanty-eyed (and badly hung) like a Chinese person. And in case you're wondering -- the armor that turns you black makes people think you have a bigger "manhood," but you really don't. I think this rule is in there to insure that no character has a bigger dick than the game creator's character.

And it has critical hits where you can, for example, cut off someone's clitoris. The big drawback here is that the woman so afflicted will not want to have sex for, say, 3d10 weeks. The game's creator focuses on that, not whether the woman has an infection or is maimed or anything. Just when she'll be ready to have sex again.

If it weren't already obvious this guy never touched a girl, he dispells all doubt for us. He actually includes a formula for determining "nipple length," but then goes on to confidently state that a nipple which is not aroused and hardened always has a length of zero.

Now, you might be laughing, imagining that this is an over-the-top parody. I assure you it's not. The game takes itself quite seriously, calling itself the most "realistic" game ever created, and cites a bunch of retarded sources for its premises. (It cites Aristotle for its anti-woman stuff, and, for some reason, it uses a book about Roman society as a primary source about Medieval European society, resulting in the strange contention that Medieval Europe had a lot of slaves.)

I mean, in some cases, the writer is trying to be funny, but in a really retarded way. Like calling a character "Cuntrina." Or calling that armor that turns you as "black as night" the armor of "nigrous nincompoopery" or something.

It's a long review, and the guys editorialize too much; pretty much the game is self-reviewing. You don't need a lot of argument as to why this is all stupid and nasty and just plain wrong. When random effects for "chaos spells" include a "schlong" which is "3d10 feet long" appearing and attempting to sodomize everyone in sight, or suddenly having the compulsion to fist-rape people, or having your intestines drop out of your ass ("loosely attached"), you just don't need much in the way of a commentary track.

Just skim through the boring parts and get to the good stuff. Like, oh, say, this:

0257 Nutsack of caster swells to 10d1000 in volume for 3d3 days.

0258 Next time caster poops, the turd comes alive, attacks caster: +80 TH, for 1 LP B dmg, CA 20, & 3 LP.

The whole thing is pretty much like that. It's as if a stupider, more racist, less socially apt, more misogynistic, more "turd" and "fart" and "cup size" obsessed Beavis and Butthead decided to rewrite D&D and Rolemaster.

The only redeeming thing about this "game" is that every day the demented, socially-retarded moron of a rape-obssessed shithead spent writing this nine hundred page epic was a day he couldn't use for stalking, killing, and skinning a runaway.

And the guy who wrote it claims to have an M.A. And to be a genius. And a historian. And... etc.

digg this
posted by Ace at 02:02 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Adriane is to Grapes, as X is to Wine . . .: "[i] I might be fool enough to drive this nonsense ..."

Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) [/b][/i][/s][/u]: " The Horde Mind is a puddle of liquid Mercury on ..."

foxtrot: "Remаrkable! Its in fact amazing piece of wri ..."

fenrisulven: "And yo Galveston, wife and I are planning a visit ..."

Aetius451AD: "460 Hard to believe Thanksgiving was only a week a ..."

Singing Austrian Nuns: "Hard to believe Thanksgiving was only a week ago & ..."

jim (in Kalifornia): "going to bed, popped in for a few... About that ..."

fenrisulven: "The GOP brand has come to stand for Impotence and ..."

Berserker-Dragonheads Division : "How on earth, could anyone put The Horde Mind into ..."

JQ: "Quiet here tonight. We got snow today, just on ..."

Aetius451AD: "Huh. My ewetub suggested has Marty Robbins' 'Ain't ..."

JQ: "Another 'scale of the universe' https://htwins. ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64