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April 19, 2006

George Michael More Interested In Smoking Pot Than Producing Bouncilly Gay Disco Singles

Another reason to decriminalize pot.

Is there any way we can get Madonna off of Kaballa and on to weed?

GEORGE Michael's career has gone up in smoke because he would rather puff joints than record new songs, a former musician pal claimed yesterday.

I think they're confusing correlation with causation here. I imagine he's smoking pot because no one listens to his music anymore.

I mean, for crying out loud, he has to wait on hold to get Moby on the line. How the flighty have fallen.

Toby Bourke, who dueted with George on the 1997 single Waltz Away Dreaming, claimed: "Drugs have turned him into a stoned waster and made him depressed. Dope is his poison."

Toby, who says he watched George chain-smoke 20 super-strength skunk joints a day, added: "Dope destroyed his will to work. When you smoke as much as George has done you simply cease to function. Cannabis has wrecked his career. All that dope put paid to it."

George, 42, has not released an album since Patience in March 2004. And he has not done a world tour for 15 years, although one is said to be in the pipeline.

But Toby said: "I don't think you'll see much more work from him. He is basically lazy - and it is all the cannabis he's smoked that has made him like that."

Top Ten [Reposted] Signs That You, George Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up

10. London tabloids keep referring to you as "The Artist Formerly Known as George Michael"

9. You begin wondering how the dickens Elton John manages to keep that youthful, slender figure of his

8. You pull the old "Do you know who I am?" trick to get a table at Nobu, but are heartbroken when the maitre d' incorrectly identifies you as his high-school driver's ed teacher, "Mr. Gurks"

7. You've sunk so low you're now taking Margaret Cho's phone-calls; you spend all night with her gabbing about Will & Grace and eating Haagen-Dasz

6. Your last record just went Triple Gypsum

5. You've begun saying all those things you once detested older singers for saying, like "the industry has changed" and "kids today don't know what good music is" and "when I move, I slice like a fucking hammer"

4. You now not only share a name with the host of George Michael's Sports Machine, you also share his urologist

3. April 18, 1986: you cashed in on your success to sign a multimillion-dollar deal with Sony Records;
April 18, 2006: you cashed in a frequent-buyer's card at Subway, getting that free three-cheese hoagie you've had your eye on

2. You just can't get arrested in Hollywood anymore, not even in a men's bathroom

...and the Number One Sign You Should Probably Just Give It Up...

1. You're actually excited to get a call from VH-1's Behind the Music, but your heart sinks when you find out they've just confused you with the guy from Tears for Fears


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posted by Ace at 01:42 PM

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