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Ugghhh... The Politics Of Vileness | Main | Major Yale Taliban Update: "We Ain't Letting Him In As A Full Student"
April 18, 2006

Tom Cruise: I Must Eat My Child's Afterbirth

No, seriously. Seriously.

Authorities were unsure whether or not to categorize this as cannibalism or merely "a desperate cry for help."

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to consume the placenta of your child. Your tenuous grip on sanity will self-desctruct five seconds afterwards.

TOM Cruise yesterday revealed his latest bizarre mission... to eat his new baby's placenta.

Cruise vowed he would tuck in straight after girlfriend Katie Holmes gives birth, saying he thought it would be "very nutritious".

The Mission Impossible star, 43, said: "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there." It is the latest in a series of increasingly strange outbursts from Cruise in the run-up to the birth.

He has claimed the baby, due any day, will be delivered in total silence.

The Top Gun star also insisted he "sensed" fiancŽe Katie was pregnant before she told him.

And he has blurted out details of the couple's sex life, saying: "It's spectacular."

The actor, who recently also claimed he has the power to cure drug addicts, has even been carrying out his own medical scans on the foetus after buying himself an ultrasound machine.

In related news, LaToya Jackson remarked, "Okay, maybe my dad's constant intimadation and abuse of me wasn't so bad after all."

Thanks to John From Wuzzadem, who has a suitably disturbing photoshop and a similar story about David "Grasshopper" Carradine.

Also thanks to Red State Rant.


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posted by Ace at 11:02 AM

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