Sponsored Content




Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!



Recent Entries
Absent Friends
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups





















« Ugghhh... The Politics Of Vileness | Main | Major Yale Taliban Update: "We Ain't Letting Him In As A Full Student" »
April 18, 2006

Tom Cruise: I Must Eat My Child's Afterbirth

No, seriously. Seriously.

Authorities were unsure whether or not to categorize this as cannibalism or merely "a desperate cry for help."

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to consume the placenta of your child. Your tenuous grip on sanity will self-desctruct five seconds afterwards.

TOM Cruise yesterday revealed his latest bizarre mission... to eat his new baby's placenta.

Cruise vowed he would tuck in straight after girlfriend Katie Holmes gives birth, saying he thought it would be "very nutritious".

The Mission Impossible star, 43, said: "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there." It is the latest in a series of increasingly strange outbursts from Cruise in the run-up to the birth.

He has claimed the baby, due any day, will be delivered in total silence.

The Top Gun star also insisted he "sensed" fiancŽe Katie was pregnant before she told him.

And he has blurted out details of the couple's sex life, saying: "It's spectacular."

The actor, who recently also claimed he has the power to cure drug addicts, has even been carrying out his own medical scans on the foetus after buying himself an ultrasound machine.

In related news, LaToya Jackson remarked, "Okay, maybe my dad's constant intimadation and abuse of me wasn't so bad after all."

Thanks to John From Wuzzadem, who has a suitably disturbing photoshop and a similar story about David "Grasshopper" Carradine.

Also thanks to Red State Rant.


digg this
posted by Ace at 11:02 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
JT: "Great pets everyone ! ..."

Jack_of_Spades: "Words of wisdom for these troubled times. ..."

Pat*: "From Boise area: lows started in the mid-40's, dro ..."

gourmand du jour: "Last May (I think) I posted that I tore up every b ..."

JTB: "It took several months but Precious is finally com ..."

Ciampino - For a good time all that's needed are pets: "[b]Ciampino's Rescue kitties[/b] [i]Still accep ..."

Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere [/i] [/b]: "Come to think of it: Monday will be eighteen mont ..."

molecular acid: ""The money will help buy six electric trains and b ..."

Winston, GOPe, McFailure wing of the Uniparty: "Wolfus, Pugs may be just that. Lapdogs for rich wo ..."

look whats not: "The black lab looks like he's smiling for Jalapeno ..."

Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere [/i] [/b]: "My own Killer Kittens From Outer Space are thrivin ..."

mindful webworker - arfully good: "Yay pet thread! Great looking Moronimals. Just ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64