Red State Texas Goes Ga-Ga For Hillary! | Main | How The FBI Let 9/11 Happen
March 30, 2006

Democrats Get Tough On Terrorism

An amazing new national security plan has two key provisions:

1) "Responsibly redepolying" US troops from Iraq (i.e., bugging out as soon as we can get the transport ships and planes in);

and

2) "eliminating" Osama bin Ladin.

Eliminating Osama bin Ladin! Why hasn't anyone suggested this before? It's one of those ideas that's so novel and yet compelling you wonder why you never thought of it!

Critics say the plan "lacks specifics," but then, crticis are always saying stupid shit like that. Besides, the Democrats do have some specifics. They have a specific five point plan to "eliminate" Osama bin Ladin:

1) Let all Americans know with a massively-overhyped silly little fart of press release that they are ready to "get tough" on Osama, and in fact intend to "eliminate" him.

2) Use this new credibility on military policy to win back the Congress and then impeach President Bush. And then Cheney, too, because that guy is just scary.

3) Repeal all of President Bush's tax cuts and provide subsidies for health care and education.

4) Grant amnesty to all illegal immigrants, thereby reducing the threat of terrorists sneaking in as illegal immigrants. If there is no illegal immigration at all, you see, there is no threat from it. Q.E.D.

And finally:

5) "Eliminate" Osama bin Ladin.

When pressed for details about this crucial step five, Hillary! spokesman Harold Wolfson released a further plan, this one even more specific about "eliminating" Osama bin Ladin.

1) Find Osama bin Ladin, so that he can be eliminated.

2) Send people to where he is now known to be, so they will be in a position to eliminate him.

3) Arm them with weapons appropriate to the task of eliminating him, such as, inter alia, guns, knives, nunchucks, and other useful implements of elimination.

4) Impeach President Bush.

5) Eliminate Osama bin Ladin.

So, there you go. The Democrats have a plan. And all they need to execute this plan is 1, your voting them back into power, 2, your allowing them to impeach President Bush, and 3, nunchucks.


digg this
posted by Ace at 06:19 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Looper: "Forest Hump: Bambi Comes (Of Age) ..."

Serious Cat: "Or maybe.. "Shove It or Lick It" ..."

fluffy: "Around The World For Eighty Bucks ..."

Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo!: "The Poonatic ..."

Apple Fritters While Rome Burns: "Homo with a shotgun ..."

Harvey Weinstein: "The Count of Monte Crusto ..."

pol hates everybody: "Stick It! ..."

Voter Dude: "Raging Boner ..."

Professor Chaos aka gumdrop gorilla: "The Men Who Stare at Boobs ..."

Insomniac - Getting Microaggressed on the Daily, Yo!: "Mucha Goo About Humping ..."

San Franpsycho: "So. This is what you morons spend your time on whi ..."

Ben Had: "The Hunt for Red Pussy ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64