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March 30, 2006

Democrats Get Tough On Terrorism

An amazing new national security plan has two key provisions:

1) "Responsibly redepolying" US troops from Iraq (i.e., bugging out as soon as we can get the transport ships and planes in);

and

2) "eliminating" Osama bin Ladin.

Eliminating Osama bin Ladin! Why hasn't anyone suggested this before? It's one of those ideas that's so novel and yet compelling you wonder why you never thought of it!

Critics say the plan "lacks specifics," but then, crticis are always saying stupid shit like that. Besides, the Democrats do have some specifics. They have a specific five point plan to "eliminate" Osama bin Ladin:

1) Let all Americans know with a massively-overhyped silly little fart of press release that they are ready to "get tough" on Osama, and in fact intend to "eliminate" him.

2) Use this new credibility on military policy to win back the Congress and then impeach President Bush. And then Cheney, too, because that guy is just scary.

3) Repeal all of President Bush's tax cuts and provide subsidies for health care and education.

4) Grant amnesty to all illegal immigrants, thereby reducing the threat of terrorists sneaking in as illegal immigrants. If there is no illegal immigration at all, you see, there is no threat from it. Q.E.D.

And finally:

5) "Eliminate" Osama bin Ladin.

When pressed for details about this crucial step five, Hillary! spokesman Harold Wolfson released a further plan, this one even more specific about "eliminating" Osama bin Ladin.

1) Find Osama bin Ladin, so that he can be eliminated.

2) Send people to where he is now known to be, so they will be in a position to eliminate him.

3) Arm them with weapons appropriate to the task of eliminating him, such as, inter alia, guns, knives, nunchucks, and other useful implements of elimination.

4) Impeach President Bush.

5) Eliminate Osama bin Ladin.

So, there you go. The Democrats have a plan. And all they need to execute this plan is 1, your voting them back into power, 2, your allowing them to impeach President Bush, and 3, nunchucks.


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posted by Ace at 06:19 PM

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