Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support
Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Contact
Ace:aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com Buck: buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com CBD: cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com joe mannix: mannix2024 at proton.me MisHum: petmorons at gee mail.com J.J. Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com Recent Entries
Food Thread: Puttering And Popcorn!
First World Problems... Russia Will Win In Ukraine, And It Doesn't Matter At All Sunday Morning Book Thread - 7-6-2025 ["Perfessor" Squirrel] Daily Tech News 6 July 2025 Saturday Night "Club ONT" July 5, 2025 [The 3 Ds] When in Rome (or Hollywood)... [Lex] Hobby Thread - July 5, 2025 [TRex] Ace of Spades Pet Thread, July 5 Gardening, Home and Nature Thread, July 5 Absent Friends
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025 Jewells45 2025 Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published.
Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups
|
« 132 Pound Tumor Removed From Obese Woman |
Main
| Comedian Will Durst: Impale Bush »
March 16, 2006
Clay Aiken's Blog: Yes, The Rumors Are True -- I Admit I Am A Liberal-- by Clay Aiken Once again, ignore that "By Ace" above. I cleared this with his PR people. Well, not his PR people so much as a guy who once did his hair and makeup before a gig at a Six Flags near Des Moines. So this is just as good as coming straight from Mr. Aiken himself. To All My "Claymates," There are a lot of rumors flying out there about me. I'm sure you've read the tabloids, seen the web-chat logs, seen the web-cam pictures I sent. It's time to drop the pretense, the lying. Yes, it's all true. I am a liberal. (Content advisory.) A few months ago I was bored and lonely in a cheap motel while on tour. I suddenly felt aroused, aroused to have a serious debate over Bush's ruinous foreign and domestic policy. So I logged into a gay pick-up site -- that's where all the hot, wet debate happens nowadays -- and began chatting with a conservative gay ex-Marine, to see if he'd have any interest in meeting with me and taking a big stinking load of my hot steaming opinions. After some "feeling out," he announced that he was "nicely cut." "Nicely cut?" I clarified. "You mean your muscles are cut, or you're 'cut' down on your choad-bazooka?" "Both," he answered. He certainly seemed "up" for a little vigorous exchange of ideas. He arrived at my hotel room an hour later, wearing nothing but a furry Beastmaster-style thong and novelty-glasses with a nose shaped like schlong. I knew right away what he was aiming for with this odd choice of dress -- he wanted to intimidate me politically. He was using his sexuality, as we all do, as part of his personal armory in his daily battles. But I would not have my right to dissent chilled. "Nice ass," I said, hoping that this opening compliment would ensure lively, but civil, intercourse, intercourse regarding the compelling issues facing our nation today. We approached each other tenatively but hungrily, like old lovers separated for too long, each craving the taste of each other's thoughts and insights. He bent over backwards to accomodate me, and I was delighted to drive home my thoughts on Iraq, hard, like Brokeback-hard. I laid so many hot, turgid, throbbing facts into him I doubt he was able to shit straight for a week. The coversation turned, however, as he did, he now sitting on the bed, me standing before him, my pulsing premises and rock-hard counterpoints urgently rising to his face. Before long, I had peppered his cheeks and chin with so many facts that he looked like a Dick Cheney hunting-expedition member after being shot with 10 guage's worth of French vanilla ice cream. The sweet release of my pent-up political opinions was so powerful my toes curled up and I moaned softly -- moaned softly, in sorrow for the semi-fascist state of our nation -- and then I put my face against his soft chesthairs and cried for the people of Iraq. Then I gave him $100 for cab-fare and kicked his hustler ass out of my room. I had to sleep if I wanted to be on my game for the next night's performance. So I would say to any liberal who fears being "outed" for his beliefs -- don't be afraid to get your political freak on, even if it's with a total stranger you just met in a gay chatroom before having anonymous unsafe discourse with in a shabby discount hotel. It can be very relaxing. Thanks for listening, Clay Aiken (PS: I really, really am into chicks, by the way. Anyone know where I can score some, uhhh, what's it called again, female pudendum? I could seriously go for some fine female pudendum right about now.) | Recent Comments
Helena Handbasket:
"Uh oh.
Have the cheese-eating surrender monkeys ..."
Commissar of plenty and festive little hats : "Headshots are for the mercifull. Shot them in the ..." Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ : "Time lapse of the Guadalupe rising time lapse. Th ..." Its Go Time Donald: "I was going to go see Superman. Looked like de-wo ..." vmom deport deport deport: "I commented on the book thread just now coz well ..." vmom deport deport deport: "Might have been cream colored cover with some blue ..." Ferd Berfall: "I keep seeing this commercial on TV for "Allied In ..." Accomack: "Gov't always cuts the necessary because that is th ..." Helena Handbasket: "If "budget cuts" are to blame for the alleged lack ..." PaleRider: "Very wise of her Majesty. This way the art will ..." Itinerant Alley Butcher: "Just saw this. Several armed and body armor clad ..." vmom deport deport deport: "265 Wasn't there something like an encyclopedia of ..." Recent Entries
Food Thread: Puttering And Popcorn!
First World Problems... Russia Will Win In Ukraine, And It Doesn't Matter At All Sunday Morning Book Thread - 7-6-2025 ["Perfessor" Squirrel] Daily Tech News 6 July 2025 Saturday Night "Club ONT" July 5, 2025 [The 3 Ds] When in Rome (or Hollywood)... [Lex] Hobby Thread - July 5, 2025 [TRex] Ace of Spades Pet Thread, July 5 Gardening, Home and Nature Thread, July 5 Search
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Primary Document: The Audio
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer Top Top Tens
Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) |