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March 04, 2006

Greg Gutfeld's Oscar Predictions

Dollars to donuts 90% of these are right:

Jon Stewart opens with a gay cowboy joke, followed by a Cheney joke. This is perceived as "outrageous," a sign that Stewart won't be "muzzled." He turns to self-deprecation when the schtick becomes repetitive.


Meanwhile, Theo Van Gogh remains dead.

Tim Robbins attempts a witty comment at the expense of the religious right. He remains mum on Muslims and cartoons.

Meanwhile, Theo Van Gogh remains dead.

When the announcer describes Brokeback Mountain, the phrase "develop a strong bond" replaces "engage in vigorous anal sex."

When the announcer describes Paradise Now, the phrase "humanizing" replaces "condoning suicide bombings."


Philip Seymour Hoffman says Capote is "a role of a lifetime." He thanks his girlfriend. Twice, to make sure.

Thanks to MH.

Related: Movie stars to arrive at Oscars in "green" vehicles.

Ah. So one day a year they'll take a twenty-minute ride in a Prius. The other 364 days of the year it's all stretch limos (for two or three passengers) and private jets.

They're really making a statement. And that statement is, "We're incorrigible self-righteous hypocritical assholes and we just can't stop ourselves. Please, someone-- help us."

Meanwhile, to top his suddenly energy-conscious Hollywood brethren, Ed Begley Junior will travel around that day on the shoulders of a homeless man fueled only by renewable ethanol.

He is scheduled to be charged with manslaughter later this week.

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posted by Ace at 12:20 PM

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