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February 16, 2006

"Context" For Dick Cheney Plugging A Dude

Remember when Clinton admitted lying, and the network newscasts regaled us with "context" stories about how common lying is, how important it is for humans to lie, etc.?

And then all the stuff about philandering presidents through history, and Thomas Jefferson's ninety-seven illegitimate black kids?

Well, reader Nat can play that game too.

Merriwether Lewis (of Lewis & Clarke) Shot In Ass By Hunting Buddy

On Aug. 11, 1806, Lewis and his party were trying to catch up with Clark, whose party was a few days ahead down the Missouri. Lewis saw some elk in a thick willow bar along the river. He went ashore and took Cruzatte with him for some hunting.

After they each shot an elk, they reloaded and headed back into the willow bar for more. As Lewis was about to pull his trigger with another elk in his sights, he was spun around by a severe blow. A rifle bullet had hit him an inch below his hip joint on his left side and passed through his buttocks to come out on the right side. The shot left a three-inch gash the width of the ball. No bone had been hit. The ball lodged in Lewis' leather breeches.

Lewis immediately suspected his one-eyed, nearsighted helmsman. "Damn you!" Lewis shouted. "You have shot me!" Cruzatte didn't respond, so Lewis guessed that perhaps an Indian was near. Lewis made it back to the canoes before collapsing and told the men they would have to go back to save Cruzatte from the Indians. The party returned with Cruzatte, who denied everything.

No Indians were found. The bullet was from a U.S. Army rifle, one Indians weren't likely to have. Cruzatte later admitted he was at fault, thinking Lewis dressed in brown leather, was an elk in the thick brush.

He mistook Lewis for an elk.

Lewis survived the shooting, but spent the rest of his life asking people "Do these buckskin breeches make my ass look fat?" Friends say he was never the same man again.

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posted by Ace at 08:34 PM

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