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January 18, 2006

Top Ten Ways The House Of Representatives Is Like "A Plantation"

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton used Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday yesterday to blast the Republican-led House of Representatives, charging that it's "run like a plantation."

Speaking at a Baptist church in Harlem, Clinton used the explicit racial analogy to describe Republicans who she said refuse to allow "contrary points of view" to be heard.

"When you look at the way the House of Representatives has been run — it has been run like a plantation, and you know what I'm talking about," Clinton said.

I'm not sure many people did know what Hillary! was talking about. However, being a student of antebellum American history, I do. So I thought I'd enlighten you all.

Top Ten Ways The House Of Representatives Is Like "A Plantation"

10. Just like on a plantation, it's still all about the cotton, sugar & tobacco

9. The most junior slaves on a plantation were invariably assigned the least desirable offices, often in the basement of the Russel Building

8. Congressmen are paid over $170,000 per year, just a fraction more than what slaves were paid; plus, slaves had to pay for their own stamps, if you can imagine such barbarism

7. Slaves were often subject to the indignity of being jetted off to Boca Raton golf courses to be lobbied on okra subsidies

6. Two words: "Majority Whip." Do I have to spell it out for you?

5. Slave-masters were notoriously cruel and arbitrary about allowing their slaves to "extend and revise" their remarks for the Congressional Record

4. Whether it's the "manacles" of having one's amendments voted down or actual, literal manacles holding your body as you bake in the punishing noontime sun, hey, it's all still basically just "chains of oppression," right?

3. Slaves were often looked down upon as the lowest rung of society, hardly fit to acknowledge even as human beings; Congressmen... well, more or less the same

2. Just like slaves did after a backbreaking day's toil in the fields, Congressmen end their days by heading over to Ted Kennedy's Georgetown bachelor pad for hookers & foosball

... and the Number One Way In Which The House of Representatives Is Like a Plantation...

1. Like slaves, Congressmen are openly bought and traded


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posted by Ace at 02:11 AM

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