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January 09, 2006

Senator Ted Kennedy To Write (Ahem) Children's book.

Maybe he could team up with Madonna and write the most terrifying children's book ever:

Meet the latest children's author, Sen. Ted Kennedy, and his Portuguese Water Dog, Splash, his co-protagonist in "My Senator and Me: A Dogs-Eye View of Washington, D.C." Scholastic Inc. will release the book in May.

"I am very excited about the opportunity to create a book for young readers and their families that will deepen their understanding of how our American government works," Kennedy said in a statement Monday issued by Scholastic.

According to Scholastic, Kennedy's book "not only takes readers through a full day in the Senator's life, but also explains how a bill becomes a law." Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat, was inspired to write the book from his work with a Washington-based reading program, "Everybody Wins!"

See Heather.

Heather is an intern.

See Heather's skirt.

Notice how her skirt so closely traces the silhouette of her supple, coltish buttocks?

Heather wears that skirt for Senator Ted.

She wants it.

Don't ask what "it" means. Your Mommy or Daddy will explain that to you some other time.

Just accept: She wants "it," whatever that might mean.

No, not cookies.

Something even better than cookies.

Let's just move on.

See the desk.

See the top drawer of the desk.

See Ted opening the top drawer of the desk and then mixing his "magic elixir."

He calls this "magic elixir" a "Chivas Royal."

He'll offer one or eight of these magic elixirs to Heather.

If Heather drinks them, she will get sleepy, and Senator Ted will be happy.

If she doesn't drink them, Senator Ted will drink all of them plus ten more.

And then he'll waddle out on to the floor of the Senate.

Without his pants.

See Senator Ted's genitals.

They're funny.

But they are powerful. O!, the power contained therein.

See Charles Schumer react in horror as Senator Ted tries to rub up on him with his funny, powerful genitals.

Senator Ted has mistaken Charles Schumer for 1960's bombshell actres Gina Lollobrigida.

He thinks she has nice cookies.

See Senator Ted introduce a nonbinding resolution to the Senate, expressing the American public's confidence in, and support of, "My Junk."

See Senate security escorting Senator Ted back to his office. And locking the door from the outside.

Thanks to Skinbad.

It's Old: Dave got here first, and suggests some further titles in the series.

As does Florida Cracker.

Gina... Here, if you don't know who she is.

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posted by Ace at 11:47 AM

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