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December 29, 2005

Suspected DU Poster Arrested

When I say "suspected," I just mean that I suspect he's a DU'er:

Lower Paxton Twp. police said that when they arrived to investigate the disturbance, they found [Curtis] Lofton standing stark naked in the snow.

Lofton was charged with aggravated assault involving a police officer, resisting arrest, open lewdness, possession of a small amount of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and unlawful possession of the prescription drug oxycodone.

According to court papers, when Lofton was asked if he was okay, he responded, "No, I am ... crazy, and I need a menthol cigarette."

He gets to the point without a lot of excess verbiage. 1, I'm a lunatic, 2, I really need a Kool. Logorrhea is not among his afflictions.

When asked where he lived and why he was naked, Lofton is alleged to have said that he was "Jesus Christ" and that the officer must be "God," court papers say.

A scuffle broke out between the two men during which Lofton is alleged to have hit the officer over the head with a long plastic toy trumpet which he scooped up from nearby.

The officer used his pepper spray on Lofton, at first to no avail. Then a cursing Lofton advised the officer that "'Jesus' is now blind," court papers say.

Just when you don't think he could get any crazier, he starts bonking cops over the head with a plastic trumpet. Always end on a high note.


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posted by Ace at 04:03 PM

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