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November 15, 2005

Document Dump

French Intellectuals Break Silence, Revert To Incessant Jackassery

Know why those Youths of Undetermined Ethnic Extraction rioted in France? Not as a sign of a separation from French culture, but as a declaration they had embraced it:

French intellectuals have maintained their silence, despite more than 6,000 burnt-out cars, wrecked schools and vandalized creches and the one death resulting from the riots that have raged since October 27.

Now at last the philosopher Andre Glucksmann has spoken out with a provocative thesis: The disturbances are not the result of alienation but a sign that the young rioters are becoming integrated.

'They are integrating themselves by the very act of setting cars alight, even by the fact that they are setting people alight,' he told the German newspaper, the Franfurter Rundschau.

According to Glucksmann, negation is a typical form of French integration.

'All parties in France, business, the workers and so on, believe that something can be achieved by violence,' he told the leftist daily.

By this view, young people are integrating through their behaviour. Glucksmann believes that a 'nihilistic atmosphere' predominates currently in France and extends well beyond the banlieus.

Ah. I see. Rioting as a love letter.

This just in: Osama bin Ladin confesses he blew up the World Trade Center "just to get Jodie Foster's attention." "I found her so captivating and natural in Nell," the alleged terrorist mastermind explained. "I was just going to send flowers and candy, but she strikes me as the sort of woman who appreciates grand gestures."

Mr. bin Ladin says that his attempts to attract Ms. Foster have thusfar failed, and he's now very keen on Catherine Zeta-Jones. "She strikes me as a very sensual, very strong woman," he explained. "I think I'll saw off the heads of a dozen Christian schoolgirls and send them to her. I imagine she would appreciate the 'classy approach.'"

Saddam Had Enough Enriched Uranium To Produce Enough Weapons-Grade Fuel For One Atomic Bomb

Just one, though. Not like you can do any serious damage with that.

Iran's Former President Lashes Out At "Extremists"

Iran's moderate former president Mohammad Khatami has hit out at Iranian extremists he says give "enemies the best excuse to attack Islam and Iran", the student ISNA news agency reported on Monday.

Khatami, replaced by hardliner Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, criticised those who "think that belief in democracy, freedom and progress tarnishes the revolutionary image of our country in the Islamic world and try to compete with the Taliban by advocating violence and committing extremist acts, which are at odds with the religion".

"These groups should not forget they will never be able to replace Osama bin Laden and the Taliban, but will only be at the end of the line," Khatami was quoted as saying.

Chirac, Reeling From Riots, Seeks To Emulate Steady, Confident Approach of Jimmy Carter

President Jacques Chirac said Monday in his first televised address to the nation since rioting erupted more than two weeks ago that the violence reflected a "profound malaise" in France.

He also said he'll implement racial quotas to help reduce racial disparities.

Seriously-- Europe is always pretty much exactly thirty years behind us.

Global Warming Will Also Cause Plagues

Famine, pestillence, death-- pretty soon they're going to link global warming to war (Study Shows War Most Common During "Sticky Heat" Season) and the left will finally have its own safely-secular One Horseman of the Apocalypse.

In related news, Al Gore just had his first orgasm in 27 years. His last was during an episode of Little House On the Prarie in which Mary and Nell got into a hair-pulling fight.

Ecstacy May Cause Brain Damage

The drug ecstasy reduces the brain’s defences, reveals a new study of rats, leaving it vulnerable to invasion by viruses and other pathogens.

The researchers behind the study warn of "clinical considerations which may apply to the treatment of people who abuse MDMA". For example, anaesthetics could find it easier to penetrate the brain, "greatly increasing the risk of unwanted sedation". And they say infections could cause permanent damage to brain cells or alter the ability of the brain to function normally.

The brain is protected by a fence of tightly packed cells, called the blood-brain barrier. This prevents all but the smallest molecules from passing through. But the new experiments show that MDMA – the chemical name for ecstasy, or “e” – somehow forces open that barrier, allowing larger molecules access to the brain.

Andrew Sullivan was unavailable for comment, as he was out in his garden planting murdered hobos. "I'll have a lovely blooming by spring," he said, and then used a hoe to smash in the skull of one hobo clinging to life.

Zarqawi Erred By Killing Muslims Rather Than Americans: Jordanians Take a "Nuanced View" of Mass Murder

Like many ordinary Jordanians, Hassan Eid prays for God's vengeance against his one time hero militant Abu Musab al-Zarqawi when he watches television images of bloodied victims from the country's first suicide bombings.

"He is no longer a true warrior against U.S. occupation. Zarqawi has gone too far. This cannot be justified in any way," said Eid at his grocer's shop near downtown Amman, adding only Islam's enemies were benefiting from random killings.

"He is not killing Americans, he is killing Muslims."


Forget democratizing the Middle East. How about humanizing them first?

Alito Papers Reveal Him To Be... An Actual Conservative

Also breaking: Bears Continue To Prefer Forests For Waste Elimination

Supreme Court nominee Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr. is a lifelong Republican committed to federalism and other key conservative ideals, according to documents released yesterday by the White House.

In one memo, Judge Alito urged President Reagan to veto a federal bill to require used-car dealers to keep track of the mileage of cars, saying that such a law would infringe upon states' rights.


And, unlike many nominees to the federal courts who have hidden their personal views behind those of their clients, Judge Alito embraced conservatism.

"I believe very strongly in limited government, federalism, free enterprise, the supremacy of the elected branches of government, the need for a strong defense and effective law enforcement, and the legitimacy of a government role in protecting traditional values," he wrote in a 1985 essay accompanying his application to be deputy assistant attorney general.

In that same essay, Judge Alito said the courts have overtaken much of the role reserved for elected officials.

"In the field of law, I disagree strenuously with the usurpation by the judiciary of decision-making authority that should be exercised by the branches of government responsible to the electorate," he wrote.

Once again: you're welcome.

Believe It Or Not, MSM Got Another Katrina Scare-Story Wrong

It may have been the most disturbing story of death that emerged after Hurricane Katrina pummeled New Orleans and its suburbs. A week after Katrina hit, Knight Ridder and other media outlets reported on Sept. 5 that 22 bodies had been found tied to a single rope near Violet, La., in devastated St. Bernard Parish. The parish, or county, is east of New Orleans.

The story was sent around the world. Knight Ridder moved two stories on Sept. 5 that quoted Sheriff Jack Stephens saying rescuers had found the bodies tied with rope and wrapped around a pole.

The next day, residents of Sydney, Australia, read the newspaper headline, "Ring of 22 bodies found lashed around a pole."

The reports contained no details about how these victims ended up tied to the rope.

Last week, St. Bernard Parish Fire Chief Tom Stone said the reports were not true.

"It's a hurricane urban myth. It's fictitious. It never happened. Thank God," he said.

Mary Mapes immediately lashed out at Chief Stone for "bowing to political pressure from internet partisans" and claimed she had "experts" confirming the death-rope "may have" existed.

Nuke Plant May Have Been Target of "Australian" Terrorists

Relax. It's a fictitious threat:

Police stopped and questioned three recently arrested terror suspects near Australia's only nuclear reactor last December, according to a police document released Monday.

Eighteen terror suspects were arrested in Sydney and Melbourne last week and charged with planning an attack. Police have not identified the likely target.

A police fact sheet, provided during a court hearing last week and released publicly on Monday, alleges that three of the eight Sydney suspects were stopped in their car by New South Wales police near the nuclear facility in southern Sydney in December 2004.

The men also had an off-road bicycle and claimed they were there to ride, the document said, noting that all three gave different versions of the day's events to police.

Police inquiries revealed the lock of a gate to a reservoir of the reactor had recently been cut, the document said.

The three - Mazen Touma, Mohammed Elomar and Abdul Rakib Hasan - along with five other Sydney men, have been charged with conspiring to manufacture explosives in preparation for a terrorist act.

Rabid Dog Bites Man: Iranians Blame Jordan Bombings On... Well, You Know Who

Goddamn, no wonder Jews control the world. Who can keep up with them?

If the Zionist conspiracy to control the destiny of the earth takes this much fuss and bother, I say let the Jews run things. 'Cause, personally?, I needs me my me-time.

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