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| CNN's New Euphemism For French Youths of Undetermined Ethnic Extraction: "African-Americans" »
November 15, 2005
Document DumpFrench Intellectuals Break Silence, Revert To Incessant Jackassery Know why those Youths of Undetermined Ethnic Extraction rioted in France? Not as a sign of a separation from French culture, but as a declaration they had embraced it: French intellectuals have maintained their silence, despite more than 6,000 burnt-out cars, wrecked schools and vandalized creches and the one death resulting from the riots that have raged since October 27. Ah. I see. Rioting as a love letter. This just in: Osama bin Ladin confesses he blew up the World Trade Center "just to get Jodie Foster's attention." "I found her so captivating and natural in Nell," the alleged terrorist mastermind explained. "I was just going to send flowers and candy, but she strikes me as the sort of woman who appreciates grand gestures." Mr. bin Ladin says that his attempts to attract Ms. Foster have thusfar failed, and he's now very keen on Catherine Zeta-Jones. "She strikes me as a very sensual, very strong woman," he explained. "I think I'll saw off the heads of a dozen Christian schoolgirls and send them to her. I imagine she would appreciate the 'classy approach.'" Saddam Had Enough Enriched Uranium To Produce Enough Weapons-Grade Fuel For One Atomic Bomb Just one, though. Not like you can do any serious damage with that.
Iran's moderate former president Mohammad Khatami has hit out at Iranian extremists he says give "enemies the best excuse to attack Islam and Iran", the student ISNA news agency reported on Monday. Chirac, Reeling From Riots, Seeks To Emulate Steady, Confident Approach of Jimmy Carter President Jacques Chirac said Monday in his first televised address to the nation since rioting erupted more than two weeks ago that the violence reflected a "profound malaise" in France. He also said he'll implement racial quotas to help reduce racial disparities. Seriously-- Europe is always pretty much exactly thirty years behind us. Global Warming Will Also Cause Plagues Famine, pestillence, death-- pretty soon they're going to link global warming to war (Study Shows War Most Common During "Sticky Heat" Season) and the left will finally have its own safely-secular One Horseman of the Apocalypse. In related news, Al Gore just had his first orgasm in 27 years. His last was during an episode of Little House On the Prarie in which Mary and Nell got into a hair-pulling fight. Ecstacy May Cause Brain Damage The drug ecstasy reduces the brain’s defences, reveals a new study of rats, leaving it vulnerable to invasion by viruses and other pathogens. Andrew Sullivan was unavailable for comment, as he was out in his garden planting murdered hobos. "I'll have a lovely blooming by spring," he said, and then used a hoe to smash in the skull of one hobo clinging to life. Like many ordinary Jordanians, Hassan Eid prays for God's vengeance against his one time hero militant Abu Musab al-Zarqawi when he watches television images of bloodied victims from the country's first suicide bombings. Wonderful. Forget democratizing the Middle East. How about humanizing them first?
Also breaking: Bears Continue To Prefer Forests For Waste Elimination Supreme Court nominee Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr. is a lifelong Republican committed to federalism and other key conservative ideals, according to documents released yesterday by the White House. Once again: you're welcome.
It may have been the most disturbing story of death that emerged after Hurricane Katrina pummeled New Orleans and its suburbs. A week after Katrina hit, Knight Ridder and other media outlets reported on Sept. 5 that 22 bodies had been found tied to a single rope near Violet, La., in devastated St. Bernard Parish. The parish, or county, is east of New Orleans. Mary Mapes immediately lashed out at Chief Stone for "bowing to political pressure from internet partisans" and claimed she had "experts" confirming the death-rope "may have" existed.
Relax. It's a fictitious threat: Police stopped and questioned three recently arrested terror suspects near Australia's only nuclear reactor last December, according to a police document released Monday. Rabid Dog Bites Man: Iranians Blame Jordan Bombings On... Well, You Know Who Goddamn, no wonder Jews control the world. Who can keep up with them? If the Zionist conspiracy to control the destiny of the earth takes this much fuss and bother, I say let the Jews run things. 'Cause, personally?, I needs me my me-time. | Recent Comments
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The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) |