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November 02, 2005
My First ScreenplayWell, not really. I wrote this on a site I got banned from. For a while I was reading amateur scripts-- like, on the American Zoetrope site, to get your script evaluated you had to read other people's scripts -- and I noticed a lot of them were, what's the word?, really bad. Many of them, it seemed to me, were just someone's last D&D campaign transcribed into "screenplay" format. So that's what I did. I don't know if this is all that funny, but it is definitely dorky, and you geeks sometimes seem to like that. THE SWORD OF GONDLEBREATH
Two ADVENTURERES suddenly APPEAR in a medieval TAVERN. One adventurer is BEORN BEANDLEBUTT, a second-level Fighter and First-level magic-user. A human. The other is STINKY THE ELF, a Third-level Rogue. We now begin our epic tale... STINKY THE ELF BEORN BEANDLEBUTT STINKY BEORN BEANDLEBUTT STINKY BEORN BEANDLEBUTT STINKY BEORN BEANDLEBUTT STINKY BEORN STINKY BEORN STINKY BEORN STINKY (Both adventurers are bored to tears at how long it's taking to get the story moving.) BEORN STINKY SUDDENLY. from out of the shadows, and OLD MAN appears. STINKY THE ELF OLD MAN STINKY THE ELF OLD MAN STINKY BEORN STINKY BEORN STINKY BEORN STINKY BEORN OLD MAN STINKY BEORN OLD MAN BEORN STINKY THE ELF OLD MAN STINKY OLD MAN BEORN OLD MAN STINKY THE ELF
THE ROAD TO PHAGSMERE NARRATOR/DUNGEON MASTER But the Road to Phagsmere has not been We now see them, huddled around a weakly-sputtering EXT. CAMP IN RAINY FOREST -- NIGHT BEORN BEANDELBUTT and STINKY THE ELF are now cold and hungry, because they took nothing except combat skills instead of Survivor Skills or Hunting ability, WHICH I EXPLICTLY WARNED THEM NOT TO DO. So now they're hungry, and will soon have to begin saving vs. Constitution or suffer -1 to Strength. Which is their own damn fault. STINKY THE ELF BEORN BEANDLEBUTT STINKY THE ELF BEORN BEANDLEBUTT STINKY BEORN (SILENCE) BEORN (SILENCE) BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS STINKY BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS STINKY BEORN STINKY BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN STINKY (Beorn giggles shrilly, like a ten year old girl. Stinky laughs too.) BEORN STINKY BEORN STINKY (More giggles. The Voice from the Heavens BOOMS again, this time very ANNOYED.) VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN STINKY (Beorn and Stinky start giggling again.) VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS STINKY THE ELF BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN STINKY BEORN STINKY BEORN STINKY VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN STINKY VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS BEORN STINKY BEORN VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS (Beorn pushes Stinky. Stinky pushes back. Beorn throws an awkward punch that somehow manages to connect to Stinky's temple. Both fall from the gaming table, wrestling and pulling hair.) VOICE FROM THE HEAVENS
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